My Reflection

I often forget that I'm thirty years old. Sometimes I feel like I'm still twelve or seventeen or in my early twenties. Because I remember those ages so vividly, I often feel like I'm still there waiting. What am I waiting for? I'm waiting to grow up.

I struggled a lot with insecurities when I was growing up. And because I remember them so well, I often feel like I will never get over them. However, over the past week I've come to realize something. Although, I remember my insecurities, for the most part, they are not a part of who I am. They are a part of my past, but other than being a memory they are not part of my present. I must be careful when looking in the mirror to not see who I was, but who I am, and who I'm becoming.

Sometimes I think I get stuck because I feel like I should feel a certain way - usually negatively - when that's just not the case. My old self is saying I'm insecure and shy, when although, yes I'm reserved and tend to be more introverted I'm not shy. Shyness implies fear. Fear brings bondage. And thankfully, God has delivered me from this type of bondage.

How?

Through my reflection. God has changed my view of myself. God has shown me who I am to Him, in Him, and through Him. I am loved, because He is love. I am beautiful, because He is my Creator and He declares that I am. I am priceless, because He paid the ultimate price for me. 

This confidence doesn't come from feminism or society. This is the confidence that comes from God. I've seen my reflection more clearly the last week. I used to have to tell myself the truth about who I was because I didn't see it, or believe. So I would literally speak God's Word to my reflection in the mirror. Somewhere along the way, I've learned to believe and accept those truths. I'm not exactly sure where. But as I was speaking with a teenager this week, I realized that the things I said, were said from a place of truth and acceptance. Not from a place of just believing because that's what I'm supposed to do.

So then if this is who I am; confident, free, loved; then, why do I still feel 12 or 17? I think it's because God has allowed me to see the reflections of those around me. Both of who they feel they are, and who He sees them as. I can so clearly see others two reflections, as I can so clearly see my own. And with this insight comes the responsibility to encourage others to see themselves the way God sees them.

So what does your reflection look like? Are you fearful? Self-conscious? Ugly? Anxious? Lonely? 

Then know this, this is not how God sees you. He has a special message for you today, You are loved. Read His Word, Speak His truth over your life. Allow Him to change your reflection to His. 

I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well.

Psalm 139:14