Live with Abandon

When I was 20 I made a list of goals. I made lifetime, ten year, and one year goals. Things that I wished to accomplish in my life and some steps I would need to take to accomplish these goals. Each year on or around my birthday I would evaluate these goals and see what I'd accomplished. This is the first year that I refused to do it.

There are a few reasons that I had chosen not to. The main one being I didn't want to look at all of the things that would not be accomplished by next year. Next year I turn 30 and that would be the end of the ten year goals. I didn't want to be depressed about all the things I've not done yet.

There's a song I often hear on the radio (I only listen to K-Love or Air1). It's called Live with Abandon by Newsboys. And I love that song because truly I want to live like the chorus states:
I wanna live with abandon
Give You all that I am
Every part of my heart Jesus
I place in Your hands
However the other day as I was driving my car to the garage to get it inspected, so that I could begin my busy day, I heard that song and part of the first verse struck me:
There's gotta be so much more to life than this
A higher calling that I missed
I realized immediately that I've been feeling as if I've missed something. That along the way some where I'd missed God's calling and that was it I was never going to get it back.

Almost 3 years ago I felt like God was speaking to my heart about how I was so wrapped up in what I thought I was supposed to do, that He couldn't move me. From there I began to evaluate my life and the things I was doing. They were all good things. But good things might not be God things if we're doing them on our own. So I went on a missions trip that summer, and it was amazing. I didn't want to come home. In fact, in the last area we ministered in were a missionary and his wife from Colombia. The wife asked me if I wanted to stay. I said, "Yes." She told me (through the interpretation of another woman who'd gone with us) that I could stay with them. That their church would take an offering for me and I could stay. I was flabbergasted. Could this be real? Could this really be what I was supposed to do? Needless to say, I did not stay. I came home and I felt like my path had been completely blown up. Everything that I thought I was supposed to be doing, everything I'd been working towards.

I felt as if I was wandering a desert with no real direction. Should I have stayed? Why didn't I? Was God calling me to the mission field? Is that His plan for me? My life was shaken and has honestly been in a state of disarray since then. I've been wandering. Wondering if I'd missed God's plan.

I've been working with the assistant pastor at my church and he's been brutally honest with me (which is good). He told me that he hasn't gotten a strong sense of who I am as a person in our meetings. Well seeing as I'd been wandering around not really knowing who I am or what I was supposed to be doing, I don't blame him.

Every Sunday one of the greeters at church hugs me and asks how I'm doing. For awhile he wasn't believing me (he could see through my church face). Because of that I've learned to be honest to the best of my ability. So when he asked me how I was doing on Sunday, I told him honestly that I was good, and then asked if he believed me. He said this, "It's not that I don't believe that you're doing good. It's just something." After further prompting he said, "Fulfilled. You're not fulfilled." This made perfect sense to me, since it was basically what the assistant pastor has been saying to me. And so I went into worship with a prayerful heart asking God to be my fulfillment.

And so as I was driving and I heard that song Live with Abandon and I had a revelation. I've been living as if I've missed my higher calling. But those first lines aren't speaking to me! Yes I want to live with abandon. Yes I want to give all I have to Jesus. But I haven't missed His plan for my life.

My life was shaken, but there are some definites that haven't changed. It's just taken me awhile to figure this out. God has called me to ministry; and no I'm not exactly sure what that is always going to look like, but right now it means I'm the Children's Ministry Director at my home church. When God called me to ministry I was expecting it too look a special way, but that's not the case. God doesn't live in a box and so I shouldn't put Him in one. If one day God decides that I'm to move me, then He can move me. My life is not my own. I surrendered that to Him a long time ago.

 So my goal for this year and the rest of my life is to serve God with everything right where I'm at. It's to do my best in the position I'm in, so that He gets the glory. I want to live with abandon!

The Quartet... Chapter 4

I've not felt like writing in so long, that it almost became habit not to. But as I sat down to write, the words just began to flow out of me. So I hope you like this next chapter.

Chapter 4

                Seara woke up with the sun Thanksgiving morning. She really wanted to go for a run, but was nervous about the encounter she’d had on her last run. Deciding she would wait until Brian Kingston left to start running again, Seara pulled out the notebook she had brought back from the tree house. Tria’s soft snores from the air mattress could be heard, but knowing she had a good hour before she needed to get up, Seara decided to take the time to read.

            Xander came flying through the woods a look of terror on his face, startling me with his approach. “What is it?” I asked.

            Xander bent over inhaling deeply trying to catch his breath. Finally, after what seemed like forever he looked at me with the most indescribable expression on his face. “I knew you hadn’t heard.”

“Hadn’t heard what?” I asked rather pointedly.

“The king. He’s coming here. He’s visiting the faithful Lords. Thanking them for their help. In the war. He’ll be here in a fortnight. We’re going to be terribly busy. We must return to the castle. Your mother was looking for you after your studies.”

I rolled my eyes and plopped on my rock. Of course it was wonderful for Lord and Lady Dennison that the king was coming, but why did that mean I needed to interrupt my plans. Of course the castle would be in an uproar for the next two weeks: cleaning and baking and the like.

“Well don’t just sit there. Say something. This is wonderful.”

Xander dreamed of becoming a knight. As most boys his age did. Although Xander’s family was freemen they could not afford the equipment it would take to allow Xander to begin Knight training. Xander’s only hope was that Lord Dennison would think him a worthy candidate, seeing as he had no male offspring of his own. Xander’s family had lived here for four generations and had served the family faithfully.

“Annabeth. I’ve never heard you speechless.”

Xander was now pulling on my arm. All I could pray, and it was a very selfish prayer at that, was that neither the king nor Lord Dennison would ever see what a wonderful Knight Xander would make because I dreaded losing my dear friend.

“I’m in shock is all.” I said, hoping my true feelings were well hidden. “We’re not going to have much time to come here in the coming days. We’ll both be plenty busy I suppose.”

The smile on Xander’s face was of genuine pleasure. We headed back to the castle walls. Xander did most of the talking. He hardly noticed that I was nearly silent, he was so elated.

Upon entering the kitchen I expected mother to put me instantly to work. Instead she had me sit at the table and quizzed me on my lessons. She asked me to recite the verses to her that I’d learned, soaking my hands in the salt bath. Mother was distant, not really hearing what I had to say. When I would look at her I would find her staring in a most unusual way. When I was through she sent me to tidy our chambers.

That night after I’d retired, I heard my parents talking. It was most disconcerting. My mother seemed nervous and almost reluctant about the king’s arrival. I could not make out their words so much as their tone. My father was reassuring and kind as was his nature, but even I could make out the hesitation in his voice.

The next day I was summoned by Lady Dennison. This was not unusual for her, although I’d heard rumors from servants of guests that often came for banquets that it was was unusual for a Lady to convene with servants. But from what I’d heard of other servants, nearly everything Lord and Lady Dennison did was unusual.

My eyes downcast, I entered the suite and waited for Lady Dennison to acknowledge me. Lady Dennison acknowledged me almost immediately. “Come in.” I did. “Many changes will be coming in the next couple of weeks. The king was most pleased with my husband’s service to him and is coming with a very special announcement. Annabeth I-“ Lady Dennison stopped, almost unsure of what to say next. I chanced a look up tears were forming in her eyes. Of their own volition my feet moved forward and my hand was upon her shoulder. Lady Dennison reached up and grasped my hand squeezing gently. “I have no children, but have enjoyed watching you grow up here. I hope you don’t mind, I spoke with your parents and thought I might have a gown ordered for you for when the king comes.”

That this was an honor was not lost on me. The Lady had always been generous and I had benefited from that greatly over the years. But was I to do with a gown. I was so lost in thought that it took me a moment to realize that Lady Dennison had stopped speaking and was staring at me.

“I’m sorry my Lady.”

“That is alright Annabeth. I will need you tomorrow so that the seamstress can take your measurements. That will be all for today.”

I was grateful to be dismissed. More than anything I wished to go see Xander and discuss the Lady’s strange request. Maybe he’d be able to help me make sense of it.

Seara’s alarm went off startling her from her reading. Tria awoke with an unintelligible grunt and Seara quickly shut off the alarm, hoping Tria would go back to sleep. She did. Seara slipped from the room and into the shower while the rest of the family continued to sleep.

            Thanksgiving dinner went off without a hitch. Seara was the perfect hostess. Everyone complimented her on the delicious meal that was prepared. The fried turkey was perfect. The afternoon had turned unseasonably warm and so it was a delight to cook outside. 

            The men retired in front of the television watching the football game as the ladies chatted in the dining room. Seara knew she would be unable to wash the dishes without a thousand objections and so decided to go outside for a while. She was in shock that the quartet was back together. They hadn’t been all together since the end of June. And though time held no meaning, melting away when they were together Seara could feel the distinct pull of life on them.

            Talli came up behind Seara and looped her arm through hers. Seara sighed and smiled.  “Brian told me about your dad. He also told me the rest of the family doesn’t know yet. How are you doing?”

            Instantly Seara felt tears sting the back of her eyes. She had fought her way through the day, stuffing emotions and just trying to be there for her family. Her smile was sometimes forced and other times genuine, she had hoped against hope that no one could tell the difference. But she should’ve realized that The Quartet knew her like no one else did. Seara felt her arm squeezed. Wiping at a stray tear Seara smiled away the pain.

            “You know you can’t lie to me right?” Talli chuckled, “I know you too well for that. When will you let Mickey Mouse and Lyss know.”

            Seara howled at that, only Talli would continue to call her brother Mickey Mouse.  Seara took a deep breath and said, “Tomorrow night at dinner I think. I was hoping to do it today, but-“ Seara shrugged, “It’s probably better that we didn’t. I’m glad everyone’s here, but I’m drained. I can’t keep this up much longer. I just want them to know. Lyss was already looking at me like she knows something’s up. Thankfully with all the people here I’ve been able to avoid the questions. I can’t wait for tomorrow to be over.”

            “Anxious about all the Black Friday sales?” Brian asked coming up behind the girls.

            Both girls jumped. Talli laughed as she one-arm hugged her brother. “Game over?” Talli asked.

            “Nah, it’s halftime. And I was tired of sitting.”

            Talli laughed. Seara wished that Talli had let go of her arm so she could’ve left, but she had a feeling that she purposely held her captive. She tried looking everywhere else, but being so close to Brian he kind of filled her field of vision. His shoulders were strong and broad, although his stomach was lean. His face was full and his jaw only slightly square. He hovered a good six inches over his sister. As if he could feel Seara taking inventory of him, he smiled down at her.

            “How are you?” He asked softly.

            Seara smiled hiding behind it, unaware that the two standing next to her could see through it. “I’m fine.”

            Brian laughed a big hearty laugh. The girls looked at each other in confusion. “Really you’re fine. You do remember what that means don’t you?”

            Seara rose her brows quizzically.

            “Think about it. Your favorite actor… Mark Wahlberg. We went to see the movie I think after we graduated, just before I went into the service… The Italian Job.”

            “Wow. I can’t believe you remember that. It’s still one of my favorite movies.” Seara said.

            “Mine too.” Brian said softly.

            Talli still lost said, “I’m not sure what that has to do with anything.”
            Seara said, “In the movie they say that fine means, freaked out, insecure, neurotic, and emotional.” Looking at Brian she said, “Well I guess that’s about right then.”

            Unable to know what to say to comfort her Brian reached out to give her a half hug. The three of them stood there in a group hug for a couple of minutes when Seara heard Mikey calling for Brian because the game was starting. Seara pulled away from both of them and began walking toward the tree line. She needed to pull herself together. She needed to be strong. They would make it through this. Seara heard the footsteps behind her and figured Talli was coming back. More than anything she just wanted to climb in bed and hibernate there for the rest of the night. But she knew that would be rude to her guests. Turning around she ran right into Brian’s chest.

            “I ,,, I … I thought you were Talli. I need to get back inside. I’ve got to get things cleaned up. And I’m sure people are ready for dessert. I’ve been out here too long I’m sure they think I’m the rudest person in the world.”

            “Shh… Sea, it’s okay to take care of yourself once in a while.” Brian said, rubbing the sides of her arms.

Seara relaxed into his hold for a moment allowing her forehead to rest on his chest. It felt so right to have Brian comfort her. His hand gently touched her cheek and she was brought back to reality. She jumped away as if his touch had burned her. She nearly stumbled in her attempts to get out of reach.

Not pausing this time she mumbled about needing to be inside and getting things done and hurried back toward the house. Brian felt the ache like a slap across his face. God give me wisdom. Show me how I can be her friend. Lord, please she doesn’t even see that she’s running. And I’m pretty sure she’s not just running from me.

Dear Friend of Job

Do you have one of those friends who just gets you? I do. We laugh and joke and have more in common than I think even we know. Like we just found out the other day we even have the same A+ blood type, which is kind of weird in a good way. Especially when she explained it the same way I do. Wow, you'd think we had grown up together, but the amazing thing is we didn't. God brought her into my life a few years ago.

Let me say this, I love ALL of the wonderful friends God has put into my life, but there's something that's sometimes difficult with all of my wonderful friends (they're older - like I'm closer to their kid's ages than I am to there's with the exception of one we're only 10 years apart). Now these women are wonderful and I am truly grateful for them, but honestly sometimes we just don't have the same things in common. And so when you're looking for someone to relate to what you're going through it's hard to be sympathetic when you're in two different seasons in life. And so I did what I always do when I'm distressed: I took it to God in prayer. Now sometimes my prayers are more like whining and I can honestly say that it was mostly whining. I prayed, "God please I need a friend." I needed someone who would understand what I was going through, had been through, and wouldn't settle for my whining.

And then God brought her into my life. Let's just say, I wasn't so happy about it at first. She came in (in my mind) knowing everything, comparing everything to how it was done somewhere else, and was built up by the people around me as the epitome of wonderful, and so I went from being wonderful to forgotten. I didn't like that so much. So I did what anyone would do, I complained, I got frustrated, and then I remembered a famous cliche "keep your friends close, but your enemies closer." Now she was in no way the "enemy," far from it. But if I could learn from Mrs. Wonderful than that would be good because then maybe I could get some of my spotlight back (I know totally selfish, immature, and vain.) So the first day we hang out we're both doing the uncomfortable dance around topics until finally she says to me, "I have ulterior motives for having you over." I breathed a sigh of relief and admitted that I also had ulterior motives. We laughed about our awkwardness and began our new friendship. It was that simple. Since that time we've shared our hearts with one another and become great friends: sharing laughs, tears, wisdom, and so much more. I am truly grateful for the answer to prayer that God has given me.

I say all that to say my friend is very sick. She doesn't want pity, and even walking through this personal hell she has been a source of strength, wisdom, and grace. I can't say many people in her situation would handle it with as much care as she has. I went with her the other day to a doctor's appointment for her youngest daughter and on the way home we began discussing Job. She asked how long Job was like that and I said, by the sounds of it, it was a long time. As she began sharing her heart with me, I looked at her and said, "You don't have Job's friends."

A couple days later, I spent an hour and a half reading the first 17 chapters of the book of Job. At first I was reading to see if there was any indication of a time period. And as I thought, there was not. And so as it came time to read what Job's "friends" had to say, I started to skim it because they're absolutely ridiculous. And then God reminded me of what I've been teaching the kids on Wednesday nights: the Bible is God's word, God-inspired, and God-breathed. The whole Bible. As I read what Job's friends had to say I realized that what they were saying was true: God is the judge, only he knows the hearts of man, God will bring correction. The problem with what Job's friends were saying was their application to Job's life. They felt that Job must have angered God by sinning to cause this to befall him. But that wasn't the case.

As I read this a thought struck me, how many times in trying to help someone do we cause more distress by our good intentioned wrong advice? We don't have all the answers and sometimes our finite minds won't understand the will of God, but there are definite things that will always help: prayer, a smile, and being a blessing.

If God gives you a word for someone, test it. Read your Bible, take it back to God in prayer, if it continues to stir your heart and you have found Biblical evidence for your word, then take it to the person. But take it in love. In the Spirit of meekness.

God often will not reveal the why of a situation. Because that's not the answer He's looking to give. The why is insignificant. Job's friend's answered the why of his sickness and misfortune completely wrong. The Bible says the rain falls on the just and the unjust. We live in a sin-infested, fallen, dark world. And that's why bad things happen. But God says, "That ALL things work together for good to them that love Him and are called according to His purpose." And I have no doubt in my mind that my dear friend loves Jesus more than anything in the world.

And so dear friend the question to be asked is not why, but how. How can I serve Job? How can I love Job? How can I bless Job and his family? How can I minister to Job? How can I lift Job's spirits? How?

By answering this question you will fulfill the will of God for your life. The Bible states that the greatest commandment is to love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength. And the second is like it, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as yourself. So love the Job in your life. Be a true friend to Job. Let them see your love displayed in your acts of kindness and generosity. Be a blessing to Job!

One Month to Live ~ Day 4

I love how kids minds work. I went to preschool yesterday to help my dear friend Mrs Hidde. It's the last week of preschool and there's so much to do. I'm borrowing a friend's car for the week and it's a standard As I was putting some things together I looked across the room and said, "I miss driving stick.".
Mrs Hidde said, "Michael drives a stick."
I replied in the affirmative, and then watched as a little boy looked around confused. I heard him say to himself, "She drove a stick." As he spread his hands out as if holding a stick. Then looked up at me and said, "Miss Jenn, why did you drive a stick here?"
I couldn't contain my laughter. We tried to explain that it was a type of car, but could easily see that he couldn't understand what we were talking about. If the child had been one of the teens I work with I probably would've come up with a retort like, it's all that's left of my broom. :) But seeing as it was a preschooler, I knew I needed to NOT go there.

It was definitely an interesting day. Pretty typical work day. I work full-time at a community residence for teens with a mental health diagnosis. When I first started working there I prayed almost non-stop. I prayed for wisdom, for protection, for courage, for everything. I prayed that I would truly be a light and that God would open doors for me to talk to the kids about Him. And did He ever. I don't know how it happened, but somewhere along the line, I've slacked off.

The people I work with believe there are "ghosts" in the residence. So whenever I hear their tales, I begin to pray, because I am not going to deal with that! The Bible says, "Greater is He that is in us, than he that is in the world." Well let me tell you, I pray that whatever evil things these kids have encountered will leave and not torment them.

When I first started working there two years ago, there was a girl that was seeing a spirit. He would talk with her and give her messages. I walked into her room to see her reaching out to hug the air. I began praying. Over the course of the next few weeks, I prayed every time I was at work. About three weeks later, the girl came to me and said, "He told me today he had to leave and isn't allowed to come back." I held my breath waiting for the fall out that was sure to come, I was waiting for her to scream it was all my fault, but God's protection is amazing and I forget that sometimes. The fall out never came, and that particular spirit never came back! Thank you Jesus!

I say all of that to say, that I've slacked off. Last night my two co-workers came to me and said, "Jenn there's ghosts in the house and they were talking to me, going 'Miss. Miss.'" I laughed at them out loud, and then inwardly began to pray. The one was using his cellphone as a ghost tracker, who knew you could get a ghost tracker on your smart phone, but I wouldn't recommend it. So they gave me the cell phone and told me to take a look around the house. It was set up like a radar indicator, blue meant good spirits and red bad. I walked around the entire house praying again asking for God's protection, and that any evil spirits would leave. Nothing appeared on the "radar" and I said as much. The guy said, "Must be they don't like you."

Well I don't know if it's me so much as the God that lives in me. I say this to say, pray. The spiritual realm is real. We are in a spiritual battle and it's so easy to forget that. Remember, "the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but are mighty through God to the pulling down of strongholds" (2 Corinthians 10:4). Prayer is where our power comes from. We need to realize that we need to stay connected to God. It is so important to be memorizing the Word, because sometimes there's not time to dig through your Bible to find the right answer. But if you're hiding God's Word in your heart He's able to bring it back to remembrance. He's able to show you how to pray and what to say.

So take some extra time with God today. Pray.

Some quotes from Chapter 4:
"A desperation to change is not enough. In order to sustain changes, we have to be connected to a power source beyond ourselves-a power that never wavers, flickers, or leaves us in the dark. We have to move from willpower to the real power that comes from a connection to our Creator."

"Communication and confession will keep us connected to the ultimate power source, the Vine."

One Month to Live ~ Day 3

How did Sunday go?

I have to say I really struggled with Sunday. I read chapter 2 and was trying to figure out what I could do to live more significantly. I prayed on my way to church asking God to show me what He wanted me to do. Show me where He wanted me to go. And I started to become frustrated because I feel like I've lost dreams and plans I had for my life. Not recently, but over the last couple of years I feel as if I've just been wandering through a desert aimlessly. I feel as if I have little passion or desire for anything. So I prayed God show me your will. Can I be honest... there were no messages in the sky, no inspirational thoughts, nothing. I walked into church with my smile on and was greeted at the door.

Three little words have always been my undoing when spoken with sincerity: "How're you doing?" I don't know why, but I got choked up. I couldn't answer. How do you tell someone you feel as if you're living a meaningless life: a life with out purpose or direction? And so I shrugged. And that's when this man of God took me aside and said, "Jenn all I want to know is how I can pray for you." I told him, I didn't know. He looked at me and said, "I want you to know you are in God's will. You are doing exactly what you're supposed to be doing. And you are making a difference." I couldn't stop the tears. God had given me my answer.

But I was still upset. Why? Because my life doesn't look the way I thought it would. Because I don't feel like I'm making a difference. So I pouted throughout the day thinking, why can't I do something great? Why can't I... As I went about my day doing the "little" things I began to understand that it's in those little things that I'm making a difference. In the hugs to preschoolers, or being organized for a teacher meeting, or helping a friend print pictures for her kids graduation parties. It's in those moments that I'm making a difference.

I thought well that's nothing profound, that's just me being me. I realized that I can have a life of significance by being me in the small things. By using my time meaningfully and not wasting it.

Today I read Day 3 ~ Time Squared
And guess what it did. It confirmed the things I had begun to learn yesterday.

"The mundane can become magnificent if we're plugged into each hour and each other."

"If you waste your time, you waste your life."

"There is great freedom in learning to operate with an eternal perspective and not just by the watch on our wrists. A regular time of rest and recovery, a sabbath, is essential in our schedules. We need to become attuned to a greater measure of time than mere clocks and calendars."

"Our value is so much more than what we do."

"Companions as we are in this work with you, we beg you, please don't squander one bit of this marvelous life God has given us" 2 Corinthians 6:1 The Message

How are you spending your time? Are you making memories in the moments? This song just fits today.

One Month to Live ~ Day 2

Here's how Day 1 went: I went to my brother Michael's wedding! It was wonderful. Three days before the wedding his fiancee asked me if I would be the wedding coordinator. To say the least I was hopping the last couple of days! I had to work my normal shift Friday, but was able to leave to go to the rehearsal, then helped with decorating, went back to work, and then went back to help finishing decorate. I left there Friday night with a list of things that needed to be done the next morning. Saturday, June 1st started bright and early for me. I went to work, then picked up Michael, and arrived at the wedding hall bright and early at 9am.

I really enjoy the running around and putting the finishing touches on things. I love the adrenaline rush of getting things put together in the nick of time, and then seeing the beauty of it all. I love helping take away other's stress and seeing them relax into a day that was made just for them. It was wonderful! The woman who runs the place asked me, "Have you done a lot of these? Everything is running so smoothly. I'm never not needed." When I explained that I hadn't coordinated a wedding before, she said, "Wow, really? You're a natural. And everything is going great!" That made my day. Because there would've been nothing worse than if I had ruined the whole thing.

When the day was over, I was exhausted. Looking around and seeing all that needed to be done and collected I was a little overwhelmed, and then, like clockwork things just fell into place and everything was rounded up and taken care of in under 30 minutes. I cannot explain how extremely blessed I feel to have been able to be a part of Michael and Lilia's special day!

The next week is going to be concentrated on Living Passionately. So here's what I'm learning from Day 2:
"God did not design us simply to stand by and watch life pass as we wonder why aren't we more fulfilled. God created us to take risks in faith and to conquer the giants that paralyze us with fear."

"When you're operating on the basis of reason, all you can see is how big your giants are. If you're operating in faith, all you can see is how small your giants are compared to God."

Make it count moment:
Are you doing anything in your life right now that requires faith? If not, why not? Are you looking at things from God's perspective or from a ground-level perspective?

What in my life requires faith? Am I living in such a way that I need God in every area of my life, or am I living in a way that I can "handle" it on my own? Looking at my life right now I would say, that I mostly handle life on my own. I talk with God daily, but I'm not dependent upon Him in the way He desires. God desires to be our all. God is to be our Provider, Protector, Guide. And I tend to get in the way and say, "I've got this God. I don't really need you right now. I can handle this."

God doesn't want to live in the little boxes we create for Him. God wants us to walk by faith. Look at the examples He gave us: Abraham journeying to a land that God was going to bring him to; Moses leading the people of Israel; Joshua conquering the promised land; Esther saving her people from destruction; David being a man after God's own heart. And so many more. These men and women of the Bible had no choice but to rely on God every moment of every day. They literally walked in faith. How can I say I am a faith-filled person, if I am not relying on that faith for my life? If I am living in such a way that I can handle it on my own?

And so the journey continues... How will I live in faith today?

Lord, show me how you're calling me to step out. God help me to walk in faith, following your leading. In Jesus name, amen.

One Month to Live

I hate to say this and have been looking for the right words for a few days...

I have one month to live.

I bet you don't understand. I didn't either. What am I supposed to do? Not sure yet. But here's the thing: I'm going to be fine. I'm not sick or dying. I was given a book entitled One Month to Live by Kerry and Chris Shook. It challenges you to live life like you only have a month left. So I thought I'd make it fun. I'm terrible at keeping commitments that I only make to myself. And so this is what I'm going to do: Each day I will read the book and then post about how it's effecting me and what I'm doing for the day to live like I only had one month to live. I will try to post each morning since that's when I have the most time and start by telling you about how I lived the day before. I hope you will be inspired by my journey.

June 1st ~
I've read the first chapter and realize that I'm a huge time waster. I've charted my time; and although, yes I'm an extremely busy person, I have huge amounts of time each week doing nothing of significance (NoS). This is my term and not the books. I'm going to work on reducing my NoS time by half.

What qualifies as NoS time? Watching TV, playing on the computer, running around aimlessly.

What am I going to do instead? Spend more time with family and friends, more time reading my Bible and praying, and start walking 2 miles on my days off that's 4-6miles a week.

My end goal: Is to stop living in fear: afraid to take a step, afraid to make a mistake, afraid of what people might think. And start living in freedom. The Bible says, "Where the Spirit of the Lord is there is freedom." I want to live a life of significance. I want to hear at the end of my life, "Well done." And not "I never knew you."

Here are a few quotes that really spoke to me in this first chapter:
"Death is more universal than life; everyone dies but not everyone lives." - Alan Sachs

"Even as we engage ourselves in the present, we must think through the eternal impact of how we live."

"The only way we can live for eternity is to embrace each day as a gift from God. We must live in the tipping point between the everyday and the eternal."

My next journey begins...