An Aha Moment

I've heard it takes thirty times of consecutively doing something to form a habit and one time of not doing it to break it. This could be why I have so little good habits, and so many bad habits. But that's not what I want to talk about. I want to talk about why it's so easy to see the negative.

Tonight was our Capital Section Christmas Party for the church leadership. I went on my own, and when I got there a friend called me. We got talking, and I got out of the car to meet her inside. Do you have any quirky habits? I have a little habit I do before I get out of the car. I open the door, rattle the keys in my hand, lock the door, rattle them again, and then close the door. I do this because I have locked my keys in the door a not so few times. Only once (well it was once) with this van, but my other van was multiple times! Anyway, I've been doing this little intentional thing every time I drive for almost a month, or if I know I'm leaving the keys in the car I hit the unlock button about 7 times! I say all of this to say, my routine was interrupted. I could see my friend inside the church and I wanted to be in there. We were laughing and talking and I wanted to be face-to-face, but I let that distract me. I realized on my way out to my car that I couldn't remember putting my keys in my purse. I looked at my friend and said, "Oh no, I think I locked my keys in my car." Sure enough I did. Thanks to some wonderful people we were able to break into my car and get it unlocked. Much to my chagrin as it felt like EVERYONE had to investigate what the ruckus was. But my aha moment came on the drive home.

Why is it that one time of not doing something will break a habit? Why is it one negative comment can ruin our great day? Why is it one negative act, negates all of the positive ones?

I have been so bent out of shape about something so stupid, that I've failed to see all of the good. I've realized that I am a "quality time" love language person. Which means I feel most loved when people spend time with me. What I've failed to see is all the ways people have been trying to show me they love me, but because it wasn't how I perceive love, I haven't noticed until tonight that in their way, they've been showing me. We tend to give things the way we receive them, so how many people that I love don't "feel" loved because I've been showing them through quality time; and yet, they receive love through acts of service, or gifts, or word of affirmation, or physical touch.

It took locking my keys in my car to realized that I was loved. I've been evaluating my actions, as well as the actions of others lately - not in a haughty I'm right your wrong kind of way. But truly asking what have "they" done to show me love? And then I reversed the question and asked, "What have I done to show them love?" Honestly on both sides I've not been able to come up with anything, until tonight! Tonight I realized they've been showing me love through acts of service. When I realized that I wanted to scream, "THEY LOVE ME. THEY REALLY LOVE ME!" Of course I didn't, because I was coming right to the toll booth at exit 24 and the cute toll booth guy would've thought I was nuts, but it hit me. And then I thought, "Wow, why did I let one thoughtless act make me think that no one cared?" Why do we do that?

Honestly, I don't have an answer. I don't know why we let one negative act make us think negatively. But I really want to live on purpose. And I think one of the ways I need to do this, is by really paying attention to what I allow to effect me and how. I was telling an elder at church on Sunday, that I felt crappy, but I had joy, so I didn't really know how to answer the "How are ya?" questions. Because my world was feeling shaken and my emotions said go back to bed, but my Spirit knew joy and peace. Why the contradiction? I think some of it comes because we are made of three parts: body, soul, and spirit. Our bodies are sinful and I want to say are drawn to the negative. Our spirit if redeemed, born again, living for God is then good. Our soul is a follower, if the spirit is weak the soul will follow the body, if the spirit is strong then the soul will follow the spirit. So our bodies - our flesh - can know trouble, while our spirit knows peace. That was never so clear to me as it was on Sunday.

What does this mean? It means I need to not be so quick to jump to the negative. I need to seek to understand with my spiritual eye and not my roller coaster emotions. I need to live on purpose!