I See You

I had an eye opening conversation the other day, that I'm still reeling from. Eight little words totally changed my perception of myself. As I sat across the desk balling my eyes out in frustration because NOTHING I do is right, I was told, "I don't see you how you see you."

Wait what? What do you mean? You mean you don't see my world falling apart? You don't see me failing life? What? Are you really looking at me?

In that moment I realized something that hadn't made sense before. It's not all bad. Yes, there are somethings that are going wrong, but it's not all bad. Those eight words also forced me to realize something else...

As a teenager I struggled with depression and my self-image. My youth pastor, tired of me talking in circles (I think that's why), made me read a book. He was smart. He gave me the book just before I went away for a month. I think that was so he wouldn't have to hear my exhausting inner dialogue that I spewed all over him, as I battled what I was reading, what I knew was true, and what I believed as true. You see there are things we know are true that we don't believe. On the same hand there are things we believe that we know aren't true. Yep I just went there! But don't stop reading because you know you want to hear the rest of what I have to say!

So the book my youth pastor gave me is called, "Telling Yourself the Truth." I got that book and my teenage eyes were rolling. Why? Because sometimes we don't want help! We want to wallow in our self-pity, self-criticism, and self-doubt. Basically we want to wallow in SELF! Wow, that sounds like pride to me! If we change than we can't blame others, we can't have pity parties, and we can't stay sitting in our filth. The funny thing about his timing is, I was on my way to South Africa on a missions trip!!! Wow, talk about wanting to do something for God and being wrapped up in self! The two just don't jive!

Through the help of the book, my youth pastor, and ultimately God's Word, I came to some new realizations about myself. It gave me confidence know "I was fearfully and wonderfully made." That I, Jennifer Loveless, was the daughter of a King. And not just any king... The KING OF KINGS. It was such a freeing and liberating experience to know, that it didn't matter what lies were told to me in the past, God was writing my future and he had good thoughts toward me.

Like with everything, if you don't use it you lose it. Somewhere along the line, I began to forget the things God said about me and I started listening once again to the liar of my soul. I began hearing those old thoughts "you're a failure... you can't do anything right... no one loves you..." And to my detriment I began to believe those things. When one thing would go wrong, everything was wrong. And I tried to believe that wasn't the case, but I held on to the lies and deception that was feeding me. Allowing me to stay in my pity party. "Comforting" me. I say this loosely, because unfortunately sometimes we comfort ourselves with lies.  I knew the truth, but I wasn't hearing it.

And then my pastor said those eight words to me, "I don't see you how you see you." And it was as if God was speaking through him at that moment, because instantly I realized that God didn't see me how I was seeing myself either. And that God was sick of my inner negative dialogue and whining to Him about things that just weren't true as well. God says, "You are a new creation, old things have passed away behold all things are new... I think good thoughts toward you, thoughts of peace not evil, to give you a hope and a future... You are my daughter, I love you... I don't make junk... You are not a failure, you are more than a conqueror through Me... In your weakness I Am made strong..." My soul began to be revived as I realized that though it felt like my world was caving in God had not abandoned me.

God still saw me! And not the miserable, wretched me that I was seeing, but the new creature in Christ. His daughter, bought by the blood of the Lamb. Cleansed. Redeemed. Made in the image of Him!!!

Wow, I couldn't believe it! Well actually I could and did. I decided to change the way I was seeing me. And I know I'm not the only one.

We need to release the lies that have been spoken over our lives. Stop clinging to them for comfort. Stop wallowing in SELF! Stand up and claim the inheritance that God has given you as a daughter of The Most High! He has a plan and purpose for your life that you're never going to reach as long as your eyes are on you! God sees YOU! And not the sick, tired, empty, pathetic you that you see. He sees you. The you He has created you to be. The you full of purpose! The you that is brand new in Him!

God sees YOU!