One Month to Live ~ Day 4

I love how kids minds work. I went to preschool yesterday to help my dear friend Mrs Hidde. It's the last week of preschool and there's so much to do. I'm borrowing a friend's car for the week and it's a standard As I was putting some things together I looked across the room and said, "I miss driving stick.".
Mrs Hidde said, "Michael drives a stick."
I replied in the affirmative, and then watched as a little boy looked around confused. I heard him say to himself, "She drove a stick." As he spread his hands out as if holding a stick. Then looked up at me and said, "Miss Jenn, why did you drive a stick here?"
I couldn't contain my laughter. We tried to explain that it was a type of car, but could easily see that he couldn't understand what we were talking about. If the child had been one of the teens I work with I probably would've come up with a retort like, it's all that's left of my broom. :) But seeing as it was a preschooler, I knew I needed to NOT go there.

It was definitely an interesting day. Pretty typical work day. I work full-time at a community residence for teens with a mental health diagnosis. When I first started working there I prayed almost non-stop. I prayed for wisdom, for protection, for courage, for everything. I prayed that I would truly be a light and that God would open doors for me to talk to the kids about Him. And did He ever. I don't know how it happened, but somewhere along the line, I've slacked off.

The people I work with believe there are "ghosts" in the residence. So whenever I hear their tales, I begin to pray, because I am not going to deal with that! The Bible says, "Greater is He that is in us, than he that is in the world." Well let me tell you, I pray that whatever evil things these kids have encountered will leave and not torment them.

When I first started working there two years ago, there was a girl that was seeing a spirit. He would talk with her and give her messages. I walked into her room to see her reaching out to hug the air. I began praying. Over the course of the next few weeks, I prayed every time I was at work. About three weeks later, the girl came to me and said, "He told me today he had to leave and isn't allowed to come back." I held my breath waiting for the fall out that was sure to come, I was waiting for her to scream it was all my fault, but God's protection is amazing and I forget that sometimes. The fall out never came, and that particular spirit never came back! Thank you Jesus!

I say all of that to say, that I've slacked off. Last night my two co-workers came to me and said, "Jenn there's ghosts in the house and they were talking to me, going 'Miss. Miss.'" I laughed at them out loud, and then inwardly began to pray. The one was using his cellphone as a ghost tracker, who knew you could get a ghost tracker on your smart phone, but I wouldn't recommend it. So they gave me the cell phone and told me to take a look around the house. It was set up like a radar indicator, blue meant good spirits and red bad. I walked around the entire house praying again asking for God's protection, and that any evil spirits would leave. Nothing appeared on the "radar" and I said as much. The guy said, "Must be they don't like you."

Well I don't know if it's me so much as the God that lives in me. I say this to say, pray. The spiritual realm is real. We are in a spiritual battle and it's so easy to forget that. Remember, "the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but are mighty through God to the pulling down of strongholds" (2 Corinthians 10:4). Prayer is where our power comes from. We need to realize that we need to stay connected to God. It is so important to be memorizing the Word, because sometimes there's not time to dig through your Bible to find the right answer. But if you're hiding God's Word in your heart He's able to bring it back to remembrance. He's able to show you how to pray and what to say.

So take some extra time with God today. Pray.

Some quotes from Chapter 4:
"A desperation to change is not enough. In order to sustain changes, we have to be connected to a power source beyond ourselves-a power that never wavers, flickers, or leaves us in the dark. We have to move from willpower to the real power that comes from a connection to our Creator."

"Communication and confession will keep us connected to the ultimate power source, the Vine."

One Month to Live ~ Day 3

How did Sunday go?

I have to say I really struggled with Sunday. I read chapter 2 and was trying to figure out what I could do to live more significantly. I prayed on my way to church asking God to show me what He wanted me to do. Show me where He wanted me to go. And I started to become frustrated because I feel like I've lost dreams and plans I had for my life. Not recently, but over the last couple of years I feel as if I've just been wandering through a desert aimlessly. I feel as if I have little passion or desire for anything. So I prayed God show me your will. Can I be honest... there were no messages in the sky, no inspirational thoughts, nothing. I walked into church with my smile on and was greeted at the door.

Three little words have always been my undoing when spoken with sincerity: "How're you doing?" I don't know why, but I got choked up. I couldn't answer. How do you tell someone you feel as if you're living a meaningless life: a life with out purpose or direction? And so I shrugged. And that's when this man of God took me aside and said, "Jenn all I want to know is how I can pray for you." I told him, I didn't know. He looked at me and said, "I want you to know you are in God's will. You are doing exactly what you're supposed to be doing. And you are making a difference." I couldn't stop the tears. God had given me my answer.

But I was still upset. Why? Because my life doesn't look the way I thought it would. Because I don't feel like I'm making a difference. So I pouted throughout the day thinking, why can't I do something great? Why can't I... As I went about my day doing the "little" things I began to understand that it's in those little things that I'm making a difference. In the hugs to preschoolers, or being organized for a teacher meeting, or helping a friend print pictures for her kids graduation parties. It's in those moments that I'm making a difference.

I thought well that's nothing profound, that's just me being me. I realized that I can have a life of significance by being me in the small things. By using my time meaningfully and not wasting it.

Today I read Day 3 ~ Time Squared
And guess what it did. It confirmed the things I had begun to learn yesterday.

"The mundane can become magnificent if we're plugged into each hour and each other."

"If you waste your time, you waste your life."

"There is great freedom in learning to operate with an eternal perspective and not just by the watch on our wrists. A regular time of rest and recovery, a sabbath, is essential in our schedules. We need to become attuned to a greater measure of time than mere clocks and calendars."

"Our value is so much more than what we do."

"Companions as we are in this work with you, we beg you, please don't squander one bit of this marvelous life God has given us" 2 Corinthians 6:1 The Message

How are you spending your time? Are you making memories in the moments? This song just fits today.

One Month to Live ~ Day 2

Here's how Day 1 went: I went to my brother Michael's wedding! It was wonderful. Three days before the wedding his fiancee asked me if I would be the wedding coordinator. To say the least I was hopping the last couple of days! I had to work my normal shift Friday, but was able to leave to go to the rehearsal, then helped with decorating, went back to work, and then went back to help finishing decorate. I left there Friday night with a list of things that needed to be done the next morning. Saturday, June 1st started bright and early for me. I went to work, then picked up Michael, and arrived at the wedding hall bright and early at 9am.

I really enjoy the running around and putting the finishing touches on things. I love the adrenaline rush of getting things put together in the nick of time, and then seeing the beauty of it all. I love helping take away other's stress and seeing them relax into a day that was made just for them. It was wonderful! The woman who runs the place asked me, "Have you done a lot of these? Everything is running so smoothly. I'm never not needed." When I explained that I hadn't coordinated a wedding before, she said, "Wow, really? You're a natural. And everything is going great!" That made my day. Because there would've been nothing worse than if I had ruined the whole thing.

When the day was over, I was exhausted. Looking around and seeing all that needed to be done and collected I was a little overwhelmed, and then, like clockwork things just fell into place and everything was rounded up and taken care of in under 30 minutes. I cannot explain how extremely blessed I feel to have been able to be a part of Michael and Lilia's special day!

The next week is going to be concentrated on Living Passionately. So here's what I'm learning from Day 2:
"God did not design us simply to stand by and watch life pass as we wonder why aren't we more fulfilled. God created us to take risks in faith and to conquer the giants that paralyze us with fear."

"When you're operating on the basis of reason, all you can see is how big your giants are. If you're operating in faith, all you can see is how small your giants are compared to God."

Make it count moment:
Are you doing anything in your life right now that requires faith? If not, why not? Are you looking at things from God's perspective or from a ground-level perspective?

What in my life requires faith? Am I living in such a way that I need God in every area of my life, or am I living in a way that I can "handle" it on my own? Looking at my life right now I would say, that I mostly handle life on my own. I talk with God daily, but I'm not dependent upon Him in the way He desires. God desires to be our all. God is to be our Provider, Protector, Guide. And I tend to get in the way and say, "I've got this God. I don't really need you right now. I can handle this."

God doesn't want to live in the little boxes we create for Him. God wants us to walk by faith. Look at the examples He gave us: Abraham journeying to a land that God was going to bring him to; Moses leading the people of Israel; Joshua conquering the promised land; Esther saving her people from destruction; David being a man after God's own heart. And so many more. These men and women of the Bible had no choice but to rely on God every moment of every day. They literally walked in faith. How can I say I am a faith-filled person, if I am not relying on that faith for my life? If I am living in such a way that I can handle it on my own?

And so the journey continues... How will I live in faith today?

Lord, show me how you're calling me to step out. God help me to walk in faith, following your leading. In Jesus name, amen.

One Month to Live

I hate to say this and have been looking for the right words for a few days...

I have one month to live.

I bet you don't understand. I didn't either. What am I supposed to do? Not sure yet. But here's the thing: I'm going to be fine. I'm not sick or dying. I was given a book entitled One Month to Live by Kerry and Chris Shook. It challenges you to live life like you only have a month left. So I thought I'd make it fun. I'm terrible at keeping commitments that I only make to myself. And so this is what I'm going to do: Each day I will read the book and then post about how it's effecting me and what I'm doing for the day to live like I only had one month to live. I will try to post each morning since that's when I have the most time and start by telling you about how I lived the day before. I hope you will be inspired by my journey.

June 1st ~
I've read the first chapter and realize that I'm a huge time waster. I've charted my time; and although, yes I'm an extremely busy person, I have huge amounts of time each week doing nothing of significance (NoS). This is my term and not the books. I'm going to work on reducing my NoS time by half.

What qualifies as NoS time? Watching TV, playing on the computer, running around aimlessly.

What am I going to do instead? Spend more time with family and friends, more time reading my Bible and praying, and start walking 2 miles on my days off that's 4-6miles a week.

My end goal: Is to stop living in fear: afraid to take a step, afraid to make a mistake, afraid of what people might think. And start living in freedom. The Bible says, "Where the Spirit of the Lord is there is freedom." I want to live a life of significance. I want to hear at the end of my life, "Well done." And not "I never knew you."

Here are a few quotes that really spoke to me in this first chapter:
"Death is more universal than life; everyone dies but not everyone lives." - Alan Sachs

"Even as we engage ourselves in the present, we must think through the eternal impact of how we live."

"The only way we can live for eternity is to embrace each day as a gift from God. We must live in the tipping point between the everyday and the eternal."

My next journey begins...