As I reflect over the past year I'm absolutely astounded at the doors that God has opened for me this year. I did many things that I never dreamed I would do.
I went into the year kind of down because I felt stuck. Like I was just existing in life and not really going anywhere. At least not anywhere significant. I thought, "I'm turning 30 and I haven't accomplished any of my goals." Can I say, right there I should've realized the voice I was listening to and it wasn't God's. The truth is I've accomplished a lot of things some were goals and some came out of no where. Do I have one's I haven't done yet? Yes. But that just means it wasn't time.
This was a year of change for me. In March, I lost some friends. In April, I lost my full-time job and all the benefits that go along with it. I could feel the change in my life as a new season, a new beginning. And I was scared. I've always been nervous about things, but my philosophy is do it afraid. I love the adrenaline rush of doing something I'm terrified to do. But this was different. I began having anxiety attacks, I was exhausted, completely drained, and I was afraid.
I knew God was in this. I could feel His presence so strongly, but sometimes our emotions don't line up. That's where faith and trusting in God takes over. It was a daily battle to remember that God was in control. Honestly, most of my fighting came from lying on the couch in my pajama's. But thankfully, God doesn't care where you talk to Him, just that you do. So while my emotions were putting me on the couch, God was building me up on the inside.
I was praying one night asking God to show me what to do. God is sovereign and since He was in control of me losing my job I knew He had a plan. I was just praying He would show me what it was. Shortly, after my simple prayer, I got a message on Facebook asking if I was interested in working at a camp for the summer.
I was excited as I felt God confirming that this is what He wanted, and nervous because my confidence had been shaken after losing my job. I knew immediately that I was supposed to do this, but asked for a few days to pray about it. I wondered if people were prying doors open for me. After checking I found that it was God opening doors. I was excited and scared. I wasn't sure I was going to be able to do it. I thought for sure everything was going to come crashing down. But God took the summer to build me up in new ways. I was able to just minister with no big demands on me. I was able to encourage others and pray with them. I was able to just talk with people. It was great.
Shortly, after camp started I got a message asking me if I wanted to speak to teen girls at a breakout session of a women's conference in September. Again, I could feel God's hand knowing this is what He wanted me to do. They needed to know ASAP. I took the next day to pray and fast. And God showed up. The theme for the weekend was Embraced. I would only be speaking for a one-hour session, but I knew God wanted me to speak on Embracing His dreams for our lives.
God's dreams and our dreams can sometimes be radically different. We often make plans and then ask God to bless them, but how different would our lives be if we took time to seek God first. That's been my goal this year. Seeking God in the midst of loss and joy.
As I prepared to speak I was overwhelmed by my insignificance. I asked God, "Why me?" But not in a bad way, but in a humbled and awed way, that He would choose me. At that moment, I was overwhelmed by God. I fell to my knees as He answered, "You said yes." He began to reveal to me all the yes's that led me to this point in my life. I was humbled.
I want to encourage you to say yes to God. Say yes to the little things, the things that seem insignificant. Say yes to the things God puts in your path that might not be part of your plans. And just see where God will lead your yes!
There's a song that I love:
Yes Lord, yes
To your will and to your ways
Yes Lord, yes
I will trust You and obey
When Your Spirit speaks to me
With my whole heart I'll agree
And say yes Lord, yes
