Where's God Now?

We have many cliches in Christianity that are not always biblical. The sad part is that we attempt to comfort each other with these untruths.

One of these cliches is,  “God is always on time.” Can I be real? The reality is he's not always on time. Sometimes Jesus doesn't come on time. Sometimes he delays and is late. Sometimes bad things happen and we're left wondering “God where are you?”

John 11 gives an account of Jesus, purposely being late. We know this account very well, but let's pretend for a moment that we don't know the end of the story, because when we're walking through these trials, we don't know the ending. We're unsure of if God is really going to do anything.

Lazarus is sick; and so, Mary and Martha send for Jesus. Vs. 5-6 say, “although Jesus loved Martha, Mary, and Lazarus he stayed where he was for the next two days.” Jesus purposely delayed. Jesus chose not to show up.

Mary, Martha, and Lazarus had walked with Jesus. They'd heard his teachings and seen him perform countless miracles. They knew Jesus. They weren't just “religious” people, they had a relationship with Jesus. He'd eaten in their home and talked with them. He was their friend.  Jesus loved them. And yet, he didn't show up.

I can imagine Martha pacing the house, doing as much for her brother as she knew how; cleaning, cooking him soup, feeding him broth, possibly sending for the doctor when Jesus doesn't show up right away. I see Mary comforting both Martha and Lazarus, “as soon as Jesus gets here everything will be ok. He's coming.” They waited. They prayed, “God, please send Jesus quickly.” And then it happened, Lazarus died.

But we don't need to lose hope yet, they encouraged themselves, don't you remember that little girl, the centurion’s daughter, she died as Jesus was on the way and then he healed her. So let's just wait a little longer. He's got to show up. If he'd do that for them, he has to show up for us, we know him. He's our friend. Still Jesus doesn't come.

The funeral procession has got to get underway, we can't wait any longer. But there's still hope, don't you remember that little boy, they told themselves, he was all the mother had and as they were going to bury him, Jesus showed up. He healed that boy. There's still hope. There's still time.

Can't you see Mary and Martha anxiously looking around as they walk to the tomb? Where's Jesus? He has to be coming. We sent for him. He wasn't that far away. He'll be here. And still he doesn't come.

The body's placed in the tomb. It's anointed with oils and spices. They delay rolling the stone in front of the tomb just a little longer. The people are beginning to complain, we can't wait any longer. The stone seals the tomb. It seals their fate. Lazarus is dead. Jesus didn't show up. There's no hope.

That's when the shock, mourning, and depression set in. The unbelief at the situation. The anger. Jesus hadn't shown up. Why? We called for him. We've walked with him. He did it for others. Why? Why didn't he do it for us? I thought he loved us. I thought he cared. He did it for those people, where was he for us?

That's when the overwhelming darkness covers you like a blanket. All hope is gone. The “comforters” come. God has a plan. It was his time. God needed him in heaven… on and on they quote empty religious cliches hoping to comfort, but nothing can make it through the blanket of utter depression that has settled around you.

Whether facing the death of a loved one or a dream, the intensity of the emotions is the same when God doesn't show up. When Jesus purposely delays. You want to yell out to God, but you're numb. You're angry, but you don't want to admit it because we're not supposed to be angry with God. God is perfect and is in control. And so we stuff these emotions because we have to be strong. We say the right words so everyone thinks we're ok with what God's doing, but the reality is that we don't understand it. We're hurt that Jesus didn't show up.

And then he comes. And we run out to meet him and we say as both Mary and Martha did, “If you'd only shown up this wouldn't have happened.” Can you hear the accusation in their voices? God where were you? You've done it for other people why not for me? Haven't I walked with you? Haven't I communed with you? I thought you loved me. I thought I mattered to you.

God where were you when my marriage fell apart? Where were you when my child was diagnosed with cancer? Where were you when this happened? Where were you? Because if… if you'd shown up, if you really loved me, if you really cared, this wouldn't have happened.

I'm living in this moment. As my son turns 2 years old, it's hard for me to look at him and not think, God where are you?

This past year has been a difficult one for me. Just over a year ago our pediatrician recommended Josiah get evaluated by early intervention because he wasn't hitting his developmental milestones. At nearly a year old he wasn't sitting up by himself, he was inconsistent in rolling over, and on the list went. And in the matter of weeks it went from they all do things in their own time to “this isn't normal.”

So a month before his 1st birthday Josiah was evaluated and it was recommended he begin physical therapy because he lacked muscle tone. They also recommended we see a developmental pediatrician just to make sure it was just low tone. We were told it usually takes 4 months to be able to get in to see a developmental pediatrician, but we were able to get in in 6 weeks.

Two weeks after Josiah's first birthday we sat in the doctor's office for over an hour listening to all the ways that Josiah was delayed. It was overwhelming. It went from just being a little behind because of low muscle tone to very delayed in some areas testing at a 3-4 month old level. And then they suggested he see a neurologist.

Our pediatrician had been telling us since Jo was 6 months that his head was measuring small, but made it seem like it was no big deal and that we'd just keep an eye on it. Because he seemed to minimize it and we were dealing with more pressing matters like another bout of bronchitis, I didn't think anything of it.

So the developmental pediatrician recommended we see a neurologist, just to make sure that there was nothing going on in his brain to cause him to have a small head. We were told the neurologist would probably schedule an MRI and possibly some bloodwork. His appointment was made for the middle January days before baby number 2 was due. Winston and I agreed that no matter what we'd keep the appointment even if he had to take him himself. Thankfully we both were able to be there and as we were told he scheduled an MRI and bloodwork.

Willow was 2 weeks old when I watched my one year old be put under anesthesia for his MRI. We were told that the doctor would call us with the results, if there was anything to tell us, otherwise we would follow-up with the neurologist in 3 months. I remember telling my parents when they'd ask me if I'd heard anything, “I'm not expecting a call. They're only supposed to call if they find something.”

On Valentine's Day, just over a week later, the phone rang. The call I wasn't expecting came. We were told that Josiah's MRI didn't come back the way they were expecting. We were asked to come in two days later to discuss the results with the neurologist. He explained to us that Josiah's brain didn't develop the way it should have. Then he explained that he'd never seen anything like this before. He had no answers for us. He didn't know what it would mean for him or for us. He had no diagnosis for his condition because he couldn't even find research on the issue.

“When Jesus arrived at Bethany, he was told that Lazarus had already been in the grave for four days” (verse 17). Four days of hopelessness. Four days of grief. Four days of wondering why. Why hadn't Jesus shown up?

Have you ever felt that utter helplessness? Ever struggled with knowing God could, but wondering if God would? You know the scriptures that speak to your situation; whether it be restoration, or healing, or deliverance. You quote them to yourself trying to encourage yourself in the Lord. Yet deep in the depths of your soul you wonder “God where are you now?”

But just as the story didn't end there for Mary and Martha and Lazarus, it won't end there for you either. Even in the hopelessness, even in the darkness, even when it stinks all it takes is one word from the Savior to change the whole situation around. So wherever you're at in the process know that you are loved and God is on the way. His promises are sure!

God hasn't called into my situation, “Lazarus, come forth” ~ yet! But I know He will! I know our miracle is on the way. And whether that's an instantaneous miracle, or a miracle that takes walking through a process of little miracles, I'm going to trust my God to come through! I'm going to trust that God who hears my prayers and answers the cries of my heart has not abandoned me. He has not forgotten me. And although right now it looks like He's late, it looks like He's forgotten, it looks like He's made a mistake, I'm going to trust and believe that He's going to show up in my situation and He's going to speak and when He does... all I'll be able to say is “Wow God!”