1+1=1?

I've always loved math. I think because no matter how complicated it becomes it's black and white. There's always a solution even if the solution is, "the limit does not exist." Word problems are always fun because before you can answer the problem, you have to understand what the question really is. And I love words as much as I love numbers.

There's a math problem in the Bible that's stumped me for a long time. "Therefore shall a man leave his father and mother and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh" (Genesis 2:24).

Math is full of absolutes. One of the first things we learn after learning to count is basic addition. 1 + 1 = 2. But that's not what God does he takes 2 and makes it 1. The only way in our human understanding to do this is by subtraction, but that doesn't make sense. So we decide ok we'll add, but we're not really adding 1 and 1, we'll take one half, if we add 1/2 + 1/2 that equals 1. We even tell people that our significant other is our better half. But then that still doesn't make sense, because if I'm only half, then I'm really never whole. Which means I could only ever be whole if I was in a relationship. But even though Tom Cruise told Rene Zellweger, that "you complete me," anyone who has been in a relationship knows how inaccurate this statement really is. No matter how wonderful the person is, they can never fill the void that only being half a person leaves. So where does that leave us? How does this work?

Can I tell you the answer was in the previous text. Let me show you. Genesis 1:28 says, "God blessed them, and God said unto them be fruitful and multiply..."

Our God is a God of multiplication! If you don't believe me just look at what God says to Eve after she sins in the garden. "Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception" (3:16, emphasis added). He told them to multiply and then when they disobeyed, His punishment was to multiply her sorrow. God didn't just add to her sorrow he multiplied it! Wow!

Now that we know we're supposed to multiply instead of add, let's see if the math works: 1 × 1 = 1. It does!

Unfortunately, this is not very exciting news, because unfortunately we've been lied to. We've been told we're half. We're half of a whole. So let's do God's math with half: 1/2 × 1/2 = 1/4. What? How can that be? 1/4 is even less than 1/2.

When we get into relationships expecting the other person to complete us what's going to happen is you're going to end up less than you even started with. The other person was never designed to complete you and you were never designed to complete someone else. So instead of adding to each other you really end up taking from each other and making each other less than you were before. How many broken relationships came from the lie that someone else was to complete you? And instead of learning from this, we repeat the insanity. Thinking, they must not have been the right person. 

The truth is you both must be whole first. If you're not whole then you'll always be lacking you'll always be looking for someone to do something they were not designed to do.

Let me clarify, there's a difference between whole and flawless. We will never be flawless. We will screw up. We will fail. We will stumble and make mistakes. But the difference is a whole person is able to admit this, while an unwhole person will attempt to hide their flaws, screw ups, and mistakes. A whole person knows who they are and is comfortable with who they are. They understand their flaws don't define them.

So then what do we do? How do we become this whole person? The first step is knowing you'll never be complete in yourself. What? How does this work then if I'm supposed to be whole, but you're telling me I'll never be complete in myself? That void you feel, that thing you think you lack. That space you've been expecting someone to fill can only be filled by God. He will complete you. You need only ask. He can make you whole. He can bring healing to the deepest depths of your soul. The place you're afraid for anyone else to see, because you think they'll take off running if they only knew. Yield those places to God and He will complete you. He'll make you the whole person you were designed to be. When God began the multiplication process he did it pre-sin. When Adam and Eve were whole, which means the only way we can be whole is to return to the One that first created us.

Next you need to know who you are. Loving and accepting that person as is. Not that we don't work on the areas that are rough, but admitting they're there and being ok with being a work in progress.

Finally, you need to know who you are in God. You need to know who He says you are. You need to speak this truth over yourself until it becomes the very core of your being. At this point you'll be able to walk in confidence, not because of yourself, but because of the loving arms of the Father that has made you and called you His own.

Until you are whole or at least in the process of being made whole in Christ, you will never find your relationships to be the rewarding experience God created them to be. You'll always find yourself less than you were before, because the only way the math works is if you take 1 × 1.