God's Not Done Yet!

I've been going through my writings and have felt the stirring to begin writing again, but.nothing has come to me. At least not in the usual way. Normally, I'll have a thought and it will roll around in my head until a thesis is well formed. Once that has been thoroughly developed the arguments or reasoning to back up my statements will come. Once the idea has been thoroughly argued and the thought has been firmly cemented I will sit down to write and it will just flow. As it flows it will change and grow, but the original idea has primarily stayed in tact.

But not this time...

This time it's 4:54 in the morning, I'm sitting in the dark on my couch, the only light coming from my computer screen, and my cat is randomly jumping up to attack my hands as I type.

So what is it I want to say...

God's not done yet!

Almost 3 months ago I got married. It has been amazing. I'd be lying to tell you that everything has been perfect and I'm always walking on cloud nine. But I knew that. I walked in to marriage with my eyes wide open. I knew we'd disagree. I knew we'd have our spats. And so I don't feel like I was surprised by them when they happened. But I don't want to talk with you about my marriage. At least not today.

What I want to share with you is that marriage isn't a destination, it's another spot on the journey. Instead of my walking the path God has for me alone, I'm now walking it with another person. But God isn't done yet!

If marriage was the destination, then I could sit back with a sigh and say, "Ahh,,, I've arrived." If that were the case I wouldn't feel this stirring. This desire for more. Not that my marriage isn't satisfying because it is on so many levels I didn't even know about. I'm talking about that God restlessness... The kind that comes from knowing you have a job to do. Knowing that God is calling you to something more but not being sure how to get there.

For a few years I was content. I was working in ministry and I was exactly in the place that I knew God wanted me to be. Last year I began to realize that my time there was coming to an end. At first I fought it and thought there must be something wrong with me for feeling this way because I'm right where God wants me to be.

And then God began bringing me new work to do, and my excitement for ministry grew in a new way. One I'd never have thought of. God was showing me that even though I was done in one area didn't mean He was done with me yet.

So as I began this new journey while still wrapping up the old, I found the one my soul loves. God brought me my husband. And we began a new journey together. We dreamed and we talked both about the wedding and the future. We planned a most beautiful day. But that's all it was just one day. It was perfect even the little hitch of the cake falling on it's transport to the reception hall was not a big deal at all. I was marrying the man God had just for me.

But God's not done yet!

And so as I sit contemplating the next phase of our journey, there's only one thing I'm sure of...

There's still more work to do. God still has a plan for our lives and He has a job that He wants us to accomplish. I'm not exactly sure what that is or how we will get there. As a planner this bugs me a little. You think I would learn after all these years of trying to "help" God. But I sometimes (a lot) fall back in to that habit of "helping" God accomplish His plans. Which generally involves me messing them up and having to repent and go back and wait on God anyway, but I digress.

God's not done. Marriage, as wonderful as it is, is not a destination. It's a pit stop. A pit stop where you pick up an extra passenger on the journey where God is the driver. And so as I feel the car being started and the momentum starting to build, so does my excitement.

A life in pursuit of marriage, career, children, money... is meaningless. Solomon calls it vanity.

But a life in pursuit of God is fulfilling and full of wonder. And so as of right now I'm not sure of where the next portion of our journey will take us, I am sure of who is leading us. I know God has a plan and that He's not done yet.

So be encouraged, if you're resting at one of the God ordained pit stops or travelling down the highway at top speed or maybe you're on the back country road with many twists and turns you didn't see coming or wherever you are on your journey. Be encouraged because God's not done yet! He still has a plan. He's still in control.

Remember, nothing we come to here in this life is the destination. Our destination is, "Well done, good and faithful servant; you were faithful over a few things, I will make you ruler over many things. Enter into the joy of your lord." (Matthew 25:21).

Heaven is our destination. Don't lose sight of that while travelling on your journey.

God's not done yet!

Dreams Embraced

We all have dreams; whether, we admit it or not that's a separate issue. There are dreams that dwell deep inside of us from our earliest memories. Our dreams may change as we grow older. When I was six my dream was to be a firefighter or police officer, as is the case with most kids.

As Christians, we're told that God has a plan for us and so we may begin seeking God's dream for our lives. But often God's dreams are hard or confusing. We don't necessarily understand them right away. I'd like to share with you a little about my journey of embracing God dreams for my life. But first I'd like to share the story of another dreamer.

Joseph... (Genesis 37:3-11 NKJV)
   "Now Israel loved Joseph more than all his children, because he was the son of his old age. Also he made him a tunic of many colors. But when his brothers saw that their father loved him more than all his brothers, they hated him and could not speak peaceably to him.

   Now Joseph had a dream, and he told it to his brothers; and they hated him even more. So he said to them, “Please hear this dream which I have dreamed: There we were, binding sheaves in the field. Then behold, my sheaf arose and also stood upright; and indeed your sheaves stood all around and bowed down to my sheaf.”

   And his brothers said to him, “Shall you indeed reign over us? Or shall you indeed have dominion over us?” So they hated him even more for his dreams and for his words.

   Then he dreamed still another dream and told it to his brothers, and said, “Look, I have dreamed another dream. And this time, the sun, the moon, and the eleven stars bowed down to me.”

   So he told it to his father and his brothers; and his father rebuked him and said to him, “What is this dream that you have dreamed? Shall your mother and I and your brothers indeed come to bow down to the earth before you?” And his brothers envied him, but his father kept the matter in mind.

There are a couple things that I want to highlight with this. First is Joseph's dreams were God dreams. He literally went to sleep and had these dreams. They were God-given. I want you to forget for a moment that you know the end of the story. God gave Joseph a dream and in that dream his family was bowing down to him.

God showed Joseph a piece of the puzzle that God had for him. In Joseph's dream, God gave him a destination. Joseph's "destination" was that he the second to youngest son would rise up and be ruler over his entire family. Naturally his brothers guffawed, they were incredulous. "How dare you, you little pip squeak, think that you will lord over us?" Even his father rebuked him, but his father had walked with God for a long time, and so "his father kept the matter in mind" (37:11).

We all know that the quickest way from point A to point B is a straight line.  And so, Israel, who "kept the matter in mind," sends Joseph to "go check on your brothers" (37:14). I feel like Jacob (Israel) knew that God was giving Joseph these dreams and that God was going to put him in charge of the family. So Jacob decides to help God out. He gives Joseph some leadership and tells him to go check on his brothers.

God dreams done in our understanding - at the very best - can only become a good dream.

At 15, I felt the call of God on my life to go into ministry. That meant I was going to be a pastor. I had it all figured out. As I grew I met a lot of opposition, because "women shouldn't be pastors." And everyone had "Biblical" explanations for why I couldn't be, but when I challenged their views with other Biblical insight, I was quickly dismissed. God helped me to stand firm on what He was calling me to do, despite the naysayers.

As my high school graduation came up, I began to get confused. God you called me to be a pastor. Now what do I do. A lot of people got frustrated with me because I hadn't put in applications for college. But every time I prayed about it I felt God telling me no and wait. Soon it was fall and my friends were going off to college, but I still didn't know what to do. I worked for a whole year, continuing to pray. My friend Sarah came home from an Assemblies of God university and spoke with me about it. I looked it up and decided I would apply. I could feel God telling me "no." But I justified because someone in authority over me said, "Sometimes we just need to take a step and not worry about if it's a wrong step. We need to be willing to allow God to direct us as we move forward. We can't just sit and wait, afraid of taking a step." I thought ok this seems, logical, God's calling me to be a pastor, so I have to go to Bible college. I was too late to make it for the fall semester so I enrolled in the spring semester and flew to Texas. It was an experience. I loved it and I hated it. Deep down I knew it's not where I was supposed to be, but what other choice did I have. I was going to be a pastor, so I had to go to Bible school.

I knew a tiny piece of the puzzle about what God's plan was for my life, and acted like I knew everything. I had the whole puzzle put together in my mind. I look back and am embarrassed at my arrogance. I spent one semester there and didn't return.

God dreams turned to Nightmares... (Genesis 37:14a, 18-28)

   Then he said to him, “Please go and see if it is well with your brothers and well with the flocks, and bring back word to me.”

   Now when they saw him afar off, even before he came near them, they conspired against him to kill him. Then they said to one another, “Look, this dreamer is coming! Come therefore, let us now kill him and cast him into some pit; and we shall say, ‘Some wild beast has devoured him.’ We shall see what will become of his dreams!”

   But Reuben heard it, and he delivered him out of their hands, and said, “Let us not kill him.” And Reuben said to them, “Shed no blood, but cast him into this pit which is in the wilderness, and do not lay a hand on him”—that he might deliver him out of their hands, and bring him back to his father. So it came to pass, when Joseph had come to his brothers, that they stripped Joseph of his tunic, the tunic of many colors that was on him. Then they took him and cast him into a pit. And the pit was empty; there was no water in it.

   And they sat down to eat a meal. Then they lifted their eyes and looked, and there was a company of Ishmaelites, coming from Gilead with their camels, bearing spices, balm, and myrrh, on their way to carry them down to Egypt. So Judah said to his brothers, “What profit is there if we kill our brother and conceal his blood? Come and let us sell him to the Ishmaelites, and let not our hand be upon him, for he is our brother and our flesh.” And his brothers listened. Then Midianite traders passed by; so the brothers pulled Joseph up and lifted him out of the pit, and sold him to the Ishmaelites for twenty shekels of silver. And they took Joseph to Egypt.

Jacob in his understanding sends Joseph to check on his brothers. He gave him this leadership role, and asked his son to report back to him. But the timing was wrong. It wasn't time for Joseph to lead his family. So trouble arises. Joseph is captured and sold into slavery by his brothers. And so now the dream dies for Jacob.

God dreams for your life don't just matter to you, they also matter to the people around you.

Joseph was his father's favorite. Jacob had great dreams and plans for his son. He understood that God was going to make him a leader and that's why Jacob poured into his son. And then just like that the dream that Joseph had for his son died.

There's going to come a point on your journey with God, that God is going to require you surrender the dream He gave you. This usually comes with a lot of "why God's?"

Obstacles to God Dreams

We are going to face obstacles to God dreams. There are three types of obstacles that we can observe from Josephs life: dead ends, roadblocks, and detours.

Joseph being thrown into that cistern was a dead end for him. There was no place for him to go. I'm sure when his brothers brought him up he had a moment of relief before he realized what was going on. And at that moment he probably too felt like his dream had died. He was sold as a slave. He was no longer their younger brother he was brought even lower. He was now a slave.

When I finished my one semester at Bible college and clearly felt God saying no when I was preparing to go back. I felt like I came to a dead end. I had no idea what to do or where to go. I began floundering. I asked God over and over to show me what to do, but had no clear direction. Then my dad said, either you get a job or you get out. I got a job at McDonald's. It was definitely a humbling experience to be working at McDonald's at twenty years old. Most of my friends were almost done with college and here I was taking a job that high schoolers usually take. But I decided that I was going to do my very best. I had learned early that "whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men" (Colossians 3:23).

Joseph took on this same attitude. (Genesis 39:1-4)

Now Joseph had been taken down to Egypt. And Potiphar, an officer of Pharaoh, captain of the guard, an Egyptian, bought him from the Ishmaelites who had taken him down there. The LORD was with Joseph, and he was a successful man; and he was in the house of his master the Egyptian. And his master saw that the LORD was with him and that the LORD made all he did to prosper in his hand. So Joseph found favor in his sight, and served him. Then he made him overseer of his house, and all that he had he put under his authority.

God used Joseph's seemingly dead end, to begin training Joseph for leadership. If Joseph had decided to curl up and die at that dead end, he would've not been able to be used by God. We're going to face obstacles. We're going to come to points where we look up and say, "Really God. You've got to do something." But God is not finished. Things begin going well for Joseph, he's put in charge of everything. He chose to work his hardest and God was with him. He gave him favor.  And people begin to take notice. I'm sure he was dreaming of the day that his master would set him free. Or maybe he'd be able to purchase his freedom. Then he could get back to the dream God gave him. He'd go back and show his brothers. This is all my speculation, of course, but sometimes we forget that the people of the Bible were human just like us.

At 25, I began looking into schools again. But I could feel that same roadblock in my spirit. I could feel God saying, "no this isn't what I have for you." I got frustrated. Because I knew that I was called to be a pastor, but God had also put me into a position of leadership in my church and so I couldn't understand how God was going to move. I didn't understand how he was going to accomplish this. So after wrestling with it for several months, I finally surrendered it to God. I said, "Fine God, You can have it. I'm done looking. When You're ready for me to be a pastor, You can show me what to do. But can You please use Pastor Siegfried to show me, so that I know it's You." Can I tell you, there is peace in truly surrendering something to God. I had been wrestling and trying for months to figure out what God wanted me to do, and I couldn't figure it out. But in that moment of complete surrender to God there came peace. And do you want to know what happened two weeks later? God answered my prayer. Ten years to the month (December), God gave me the next piece of the puzzle. I was to begin taking classes at DSOM.

Joseph's Roadblock (Genesis 39:11-20)

But it happened about this time, when Joseph went into the house to do his work, and none of the men of the house was inside, that she caught him by his garment, saying, “Lie with me.” But he left his garment in her hand, and fled and ran outside. And so it was, when she saw that he had left his garment in her hand and fled outside, that she called to the men of her house and spoke to them, saying, “See, he has brought in to us a Hebrew to mock us. He came in to me to lie with me, and I cried out with a loud voice. And it happened, when he heard that I lifted my voice and cried out, that he left his garment with me, and fled and went outside.”

   So she kept his garment with her until his master came home. Then she spoke to him with words like these, saying, “The Hebrew servant whom you brought to us came in to me to mock me; so it happened, as I lifted my voice and cried out, that he left his garment with me and fled outside.”

   So it was, when his master heard the words which his wife spoke to him, saying, “Your servant did to me after this manner,” that his anger was aroused. Then Joseph’s master took him and put him into the prison, a place where the king’s prisoners were confined. And he was there in the prison.

I'm sure that if Joseph had been dreaming of his freedom, his dreams were surely dashed with the clank of the jail cell doors. "But the LORD was with Joseph and showed him mercy, and He gave him favor in the sight of the keeper of the prison" (39:21). Even in these dark days God was with Joseph. God is still guiding Joseph's path. God is still in control. God is with Joseph.

"Many times God's call on our life leads us away from our comfort zone into new territory where our dependence upon Him must significantly increase." ~ Unknown (taken from picture on Facebook)

We don't always understand why God puts roadblocks in our path. Why we can't just take a straight line and go from point A to point B. But do not doubt that God is in control. And if you are seeking Him. If you are trusting God with your life, He promises to direct your steps. So even in the prison cell know He is there.

I was almost in my second year of classes when I felt God speak to my heart. He said, "Jenn, you're holding so tightly onto what you think My will is for your life that I have no room to move you." I was flabbergasted, God what do you mean? I thought this was your plan for my life? I thought this is what you wanted me to be doing? You finally gave me the green light and now You're telling me this isn't where I'm supposed to go? What's going on? Then I felt God speak five little words to my heart, "Get ready for the detour."

God will bring detours into our life to refocus us on Him, to bring about His plan for our life not ours.

Joseph also faced a detour (Genesis 40:1-8, 20-23)

   It came to pass after these things that the butler and the baker of the king of Egypt offended their lord, the king of Egypt. And Pharaoh was angry with his two officers, the chief butler and the chief baker. So he put them in custody in the house of the captain of the guard, in the prison, the place where Joseph was confined. And the captain of the guard charged Joseph with them, and he served them; so they were in custody for a while.

   Then the butler and the baker of the king of Egypt, who were confined in the prison, had a dream, both of them, each man’s dream in one night and each man’s dream with its own interpretation. And Joseph came in to them in the morning and looked at them, and saw that they were sad. So he asked Pharaoh’s officers who were with him in the custody of his lord’s house, saying, “Why do you look so sad today?”

   And they said to him, “We each have had a dream, and there is no interpreter of it.”

So Joseph said to them, “Do not interpretations belong to God? Tell them to me, please.”

   Now it came to pass on the third day, which was Pharaoh’s birthday, that he made a feast for all his servants; and he lifted up the head of the chief butler and of the chief baker among his servants. Then he restored the chief butler to his butlership again, and he placed the cup in Pharaoh’s hand. But he hanged the chief baker, as Joseph had interpreted to them. Yet the chief butler did not remember Joseph, but forgot him.

I'm sure Joseph was hoping that by the chief butler remembering him, he would be freed from prison. Joseph acknowledged that God gives dreams, by acknowledging only God can give the interpretation. I wonder if Joseph began to remember the dream that God gave him. And started making plans for how he might accomplish those dreams when he was released from prison. Unfortunately, he wasn't remembered. And so he continued to wait in prison.

Detours generally cause us to take longer to get to our destination. If I see a detour on the road I don't get excited about it because I know it's going to take me longer to get where I'm going. It's frustrating and discouraging. But what are we doing in the waiting?

The important thing isn't where we serve, but how. The question is not "what does (God) have for me in the future?" but "Am I obedient to Him right now?" And you can walk in obedience wherever you live and serve. ~ Janette Oke

Embracing God's dream for your life means serving God right where your at. God will direct your steps as long as you're open to be moved by God. We must be willing to fully surrender the dreams and plans we have for our lives. That doesn't mean we don't take steps, but it's knowing that ultimately God is in control. And so for some people it's not a straight shot from point A to point B. For some people it is. And that was really frustrating to me for a long time. I didn't understand how some people God would move quickly while it seemed it took me forever to move. But God showed me that His plans for my life weren't the same as His plans for others. I needed to be concerned with what He wanted me to do, not what He had others doing. I needed to embrace His dream, His plan, and His path for my life.

Finally, Joseph is remembered. He's put in the place of leadership. Second in command of all of Egypt. And his dream is fulfilled. His brothers come and bow down before him.

God's dream for you is less about the destination and more about the journey. Embrace God's journey for your life.

"I DECLARE that God has a great plan about my life. He is directing my steps. And even though I may not always understand how, I know my situation is not a surprise to God. He will work out every detail to my advantage. In His perfect timing everything will turn out right. This is my declaration." ~ Unknown (taken from picture on Facebook)

I Will Serve the Lord

I heard a song awhile ago that I hadn't heard in over 17 years. The song was Serve the Lord by Carman. The last time I had heard the song I was a preteen living in South Carolina. We would listen to Carman in our mini-van with the windows down and all of us kids, sometimes 15 of us (yes I said, 15 of us!) singing at the top of our lungs "We will serve the Lord." 15 of us smooshed into a 7 passenger mini-van is a story for another time.


The chorus says:
I have made my decision
I have staked my claim
I have drawn a line in the sand
And I'll not be ashamed
With the world behind me
And the cross before
By the grace of God
I will serve the Lord



I made my decision as a girl, a little girl to serve the Lord. I knew at a young age that that's what I wanted to do. I was going to serve the Lord no matter what. Every time I'd sing that song as a child, it became a prayer and a declaration. Hearing that song brought me back to when I would sing that song. And so as I watched the video, I once again sang that song as a declaration and a prayer. I evaluated my life and I'm ashamed to say that I've drifted from the stance I had made as a child.

I'm not talking about backsliding. What do I mean by this? I mean that somewhere along the line I've gone from serving God to serving people and to serving my title. I'm busy at church, but I'm busy doing things for different reasons, instead of doing it for the only reason we should do anything and that's to serve the Lord.

The Bible is clear that we cannot serve two masters. And yet, we try to. We justify our actions as God-oriented, when really they are self-serving. If our motive is to prove to people that we are worthy of their respect, then we are not serving the Lord and we are robbing Him of His glory. If we are more concerned with our reputations and what people will think of us then we are not serving the Lord.


1 Corinthians 15:58 says, "My dear brothers and sisters, be strong and immovable. Always work enthusiastically for the Lord, for you know that nothing you do for the Lord is ever useless."
 
When you serve a title, a reputation, or even people, you will become tired, drained, and worn out. Why? Because you're choosing to work for yourself. You in your own strength can do nothing. You can't refresh yourself. And the things you are doing in your own strength are useless.
However, there is hope, should you choose to stop serving the wrong master. Remember why you began serving the Lord. He has bought you, redeemed you, pulled you out of the miry clay. He has placed His seal upon you and called you His heir. We serve the Lord not as a way to earn anything, but out of gratitude for all He's done for us. Repent of your pride and self-serving and ask God to help you to serve Him enthusiastically because of your overwhelming love for Him, and not out of a need to prove something. Serve the Lord. "Nothing you do for the Lord is ever useless."
We are to be servants. Servants receive no recognition or credit for the job that is done. The Master will receive it.
Choose today to serve the Lord!

Greater Things Than These

I had the amazing opportunity to co-preach at my church a few weeks. Myself and a friend of mine asked our pastor if we could tag-team because it was family Sunday: which means, the kids stay in service. My friend preached first then, we played this video I made. It's simply called, God is...

After the video I got up and spoke from John 14:12-17. I'd like to share with you what I shared that day. They didn't start recording right away, so here's what you miss...

Greater Things Than These

John 14:12

I can think of some pretty amazing things that are recorded in the scriptures about what Jesus did. Healed all manner of sickness, disease, disability. Raised people from the dead. Cast out demons. These are all significant miracles. And yet, Jesus says here, “greater things than these will you do.”
So what's the key?
John 14:13-15
These are pretty important verses and we could spend lots of time discussing them, but it's pretty self-explanatory. “If you love me keep my commandments.” So is this the key? Nope! Keeping the commandments isn't enough. Remember the Rich Young Ruler, he'd kept the commandments from his youth. Jesus said to him, “Follow me.” What did Jesus want to Rich Young Ruler to learn...

Easter ~ Mary's Perspective

To tell you my story I must start at the beginning. I remember it so well. I mean who could forget a visit with a heavenly being. I was just a girl when the angel Gabriel came and told me I was to conceive and give birth to God's son. I was perplexed, "How could this be?" But I believed God's message and trusted him.


He was a wonderful child. He never did anything wrong. Many mothers call their babes angels, but we all know they're really not perfect. But Jesus was. I think that's how we lost him one time. We never had to worry about him. He always did what he was told, and so when the caravan left Jerusalem we just assumed he was with some of our family members who had made the trip with us. After a day of not finding him we returned to Jerusalem. We searched for him for three days before finding him in the temple. He was sitting with the teachers asking them questions and astounding them with his understanding. When I questioned him, he told me he needed to be about his father's business. Again I was perplexed. But I hid his word in my heart. Jesus always honored us, his father and I.


I can clearly recall his first of many miracles. We were at a wedding in Cana and they had run out of wine. This is a huge faux pas. The couple would have been severely embarrassed. I told Jesus. Then I told the servants to do whatever Jesus told them to do. I was astonished when they filled the pots with water and then served it to the master of the banquet. But Jesus had performed a miracle. The water was turned into wine. And it was the best tasting wine that anyone had ever had.


For three years Jesus performed many miracles and taught the people. Some of the things he said were very confusing. He would antagonize the religious leaders with his words, but he was kind and gentle to the hurting, often ministering to them late into the nights. He would separate himself to pray. He knew how to communicate with his heavenly Father and taught us to do the same.


Our tradition was to go to Jerusalem for the Passover. My heart nearly stopped when I saw him about to climb onto the back of the unbroken donkey. I thought for sure he'd be bucked off. But he handled the wild beast in the same way he handled the people, with gentleness and it responded to him. He entered the city in triumph. The people waved palm branches and laid their coats before him. They shouted, "Hosanna, hosanna, blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord." Jesus was to be the King we had been promised. God promised us a Messiah who would save us. The people recognized Jesus, or so we thought.


Four days later after Jesus had finished his Passover supper with the disciples, he went to the garden to pray, which he often did. There soldiers captured him. They led him to the home of Caiaphas and then to Pilate. Pilate tried to release him, but the rulers of the synagogue riled the people up and called out for a murderer to be released, rather than my innocent son. They convinced the people that Jesus should be crucified.


My heart nearly broke as he was flogged, and tormented. I followed the crowd as he made his way up Calvary. I could barely see for the tears that flood my eyes. My son, my promise from God, the Messiah, was being led away like a common criminal. "He's done nothing wrong," I wailed. But they could not hear me over the cheers and leers of the crowd.


I watched as they nailed his hands to the beam and then raised him up over the crowd. They were not gentle with my precious son as they nailed his feet to the cross. Above his head stood a sign, "Jesus of Nazareth, King of the Jews." At noon the world went dark. For three hours we stood there watching, some of his last words were "father forgive them." Even amongst all the torture Jesus begged God for the forgiveness of the people. And then he took care of me to. He looked at his best friend John and commissioned him with my care. I was to be his mother and he was to be my son.


When Jesus finally died, a righteous man petitioned Pilate for the body so that it could be properly buried. Myself and a few of the other women that ministered to Jesus, followed; so that, we would know where he was. We wanted to be able to return and properly anoint his body.


After seeing the tomb we returned to the city. We were unable to do anything the next day because it was the Sabbath and all work was forbidden on the Sabbath. On Sunday morning, we headed out early. We carried spices and perfumes to the tomb. The ladies and I were discussing how we were going to get passed the guards. I was his mother and I would not be denied entrance. We got to the tomb and were astonished the stone, that massive stone that had been protecting my baby boy had been rolled away, and where were the guards, they were nowhere to be found! I ran to the entrance, I let out a wail. My baby was gone. Suddenly there was an angel and he asked me, "Why do you seek the living among the dead. Jesus is not here he is risen!" My heart leaped for joy within me. My son, my promise from God, the Messiah he had risen. He had conquered death. He had truly become the one to save us. But not from the corrupt government, but from ourselves. From our own sins.


Jesus walked on the earth ministering for another forty days, teaching us everything we would need to know. And then, right before my very eyes he was taken up into the clouds but not before he commissioned us. We were to tell everyone the good news, but not until we received the promise from the father. We were to go to Jerusalem and wait. Wait we did. One hundred and twenty of us. And it came the promised comforter. The Holy Spirit. He empowered us to tell everyone about the Messiah. And the best news of all that He's coming back someday soon!

Forgiven

I had a dream a few weeks ago. It was one of those dreams where I knew God was speaking to me. In my dream I saw someone that I'm not fond of at the moment - well let's just be honest, I'm extremely upset with the person. I saw the person and turned and walked away from them. I felt God speak to my heart saying, "You have an unforgiving spirit." Ouch. So I asked God to forgive me and said I would make it right. The person came in and I told them I was holding onto offenses against them. The person said, "Ya think!" And began to berate me. I got mad and walked away. Again I felt God telling me I had an unforgiving spirit. I sighed and knew I needed to make it right. I asked God for one more chance. I walked out into the hallway of the building I was in and here the person came with someone else, and I lost it. I was so mad, I began to have a temper tantrum. God again spoke to me saying I had an unforgiving spirit. And then I woke up.

After waking up I knew God was speaking to me. I knew I needed to make this right, but I was unsure how. So I prayed. While I prayed I could feel myself justifying my anger. And then I did what I've been doing for the last several months, I buried it. I decided I'd rather not feel anything than to feel anger. And so there it has sat, just under the surface churning.

The problem with emotions is they just don't go away because we want them to. Just because I don't want to feel angry doesn't mean I don't. We need to deal with our emotions. We need to bring them into submission just like we bring the rest of our body into submission. Our emotions need to line up with the cross and if they don't we need to make them.

This means taking time to acknowledge that they exist. Sometimes we can shut them down to deal with them later, as long as, we deal with them later. Undealt with emotions will stunt your growth and will bloom in other situations causing you to still have to deal with them. A lot of times if we become angry with another person, we lie to ourselves and say, "That person makes me angry." Sometimes we use not so colorful language to say that as well. But the truth is there is something in you that is reacting negatively to that person. Only by examining ourselves and our emotions can we properly deal with it.

Some simple, yet useful things I'm beginning to learn are:

"Forgiveness is not an occasional act, it is a constant attitude." Martin Luther King Jr.
     We must live in the spirit of forgiveness. Not just burying our emotions, but truly forgiving people as the offenses occur. Even in our justifiable anger we must submit to a spirit of forgiveness. There are a lot of things we feel we have the right to be mad about; however, the Bible is clear - “For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. BUT if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses." Matthew 6:14-15 (emphasis added).
     Think about it for a moment... You have done WAY more to offend the Father (God), than anyone has done to you. And if anyone is justified in their anger it would be God. But instead of holding on to His anger, He sent Jesus to be the payment for our sins. "For God so loved the world that he gave..." (John 3:16).
     And here lies the key, we need to love people. Love those that hurt us, love those that use us, love those that have wronged us. That love lies in the spirit of forgiveness knowing that God forgave us, and if He did not even spare His own Son. How could we possibly hold back anything from Him? And He is the one asking us to "love our enemies."

Here's the flipside:
When you know you've offended someone, make it right - right away. Sometimes we try to cover the fact that we've hurt someone. We snap at them and then moments later make a joke or try to be nice. The problem is we were wrong and what we need to do is say, "I am sorry." Hardest three words in the English language. We need to lay down our pride and make it right. Don't justify the wrong you committed in the same way that you would justify your anger.

We need to live in a Spirit of Forgiveness, that means forgiving others and seeking forgiveness from others. Remember you have been forgiven.

My Reflection

I often forget that I'm thirty years old. Sometimes I feel like I'm still twelve or seventeen or in my early twenties. Because I remember those ages so vividly, I often feel like I'm still there waiting. What am I waiting for? I'm waiting to grow up.

I struggled a lot with insecurities when I was growing up. And because I remember them so well, I often feel like I will never get over them. However, over the past week I've come to realize something. Although, I remember my insecurities, for the most part, they are not a part of who I am. They are a part of my past, but other than being a memory they are not part of my present. I must be careful when looking in the mirror to not see who I was, but who I am, and who I'm becoming.

Sometimes I think I get stuck because I feel like I should feel a certain way - usually negatively - when that's just not the case. My old self is saying I'm insecure and shy, when although, yes I'm reserved and tend to be more introverted I'm not shy. Shyness implies fear. Fear brings bondage. And thankfully, God has delivered me from this type of bondage.

How?

Through my reflection. God has changed my view of myself. God has shown me who I am to Him, in Him, and through Him. I am loved, because He is love. I am beautiful, because He is my Creator and He declares that I am. I am priceless, because He paid the ultimate price for me. 

This confidence doesn't come from feminism or society. This is the confidence that comes from God. I've seen my reflection more clearly the last week. I used to have to tell myself the truth about who I was because I didn't see it, or believe. So I would literally speak God's Word to my reflection in the mirror. Somewhere along the way, I've learned to believe and accept those truths. I'm not exactly sure where. But as I was speaking with a teenager this week, I realized that the things I said, were said from a place of truth and acceptance. Not from a place of just believing because that's what I'm supposed to do.

So then if this is who I am; confident, free, loved; then, why do I still feel 12 or 17? I think it's because God has allowed me to see the reflections of those around me. Both of who they feel they are, and who He sees them as. I can so clearly see others two reflections, as I can so clearly see my own. And with this insight comes the responsibility to encourage others to see themselves the way God sees them.

So what does your reflection look like? Are you fearful? Self-conscious? Ugly? Anxious? Lonely? 

Then know this, this is not how God sees you. He has a special message for you today, You are loved. Read His Word, Speak His truth over your life. Allow Him to change your reflection to His. 

I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well.

Psalm 139:14