The Almosts

My life up to this point is mostly defined by almosts. I almost have my Associates Degree. I'm almost a Children's pastor. I've almost written a book. I'm almost a certain age... I think you get the point. I've had a lot of starts, but no real finishes.

Does this bring glory to God?

Paul says to the Philippians, "Not that I have already attained or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me" (3:12). I've quit or given up on many things, or simply placed them on the back burner because of fear. I've allowed my almosts to hold me back from laying hold of what Christ has for me.

Paul goes on to say, "I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward goal of God in Christ Jesus" (3:14). It's time for me to "press toward the goal." It's time to pick up the almosts and reach the end. It's time to finish the races I've already begun.

I want to be able to say as Paul said to Timothy, "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith." I can't say that I'm able to say this right now. Taking myself out before it's over isn't fighting the good fight. Fighting the good fight requires perseverance. It means leaving my comfort zone. It requires leaving everything out on the mat. Not ducking tail and retreating because I'm afraid I'm going to lose. Finishing the race requires endurance. I must press on until the end. No looking back. No turning around. I cannot say with confidence I have kept the faith. Although, I believe in God, my fear has limited my sight and faith of God. I say I believe God is all-powerful, sovereign, in control; and yet, I've lived as if He can't help me. My fear has spoken louder than my words. It has proven what I really believe by my actions. I've allowed fear and uncertainty to be the victors, when God has clearly said, I am more than a conqueror.

It's time to press on.

Love Keeps No Record

For a long time I've struggled with loving people the way I'm supposed to love them: especially my family. I've read, memorized, and quoted 1 Corinthians 13 - the love chapter. You'll see it on wedding cards and favors. It's always been a little reminder:

Love is patient.
Love is kind.

Blah, blah, blah. And then a few months back I heard someone speaking, or maybe it was in a book I was reading, but they said, read that chapter and everywhere you see the word love (or charity if you're reading the KJV) put your name. Wow talk about an eye opener.

Jennifer is patient
Jennifer is kind

Well I reviewed the one's I remembered, and thought would people really say these things about me? Could my family say these things about me? See if I asked myself if I was these things it would be easy to deceive myself into thinking I was something or someone I'm not. But if I looked from an outward perspective could I live up to God's standard of love. I'm sorry to say that I was severely flawed. And so to add insult to injury, I decided that I would read the entire chapter and ask myself honestly if I fulfilled the actions of love. As I began to read the chapter one line struck to the very core of me. "Love keeps no record of wrong" (vs 5). I was stumped, flabbergasted. This so clearly showed me what I desperately needed to change. And so I put my name in that line: Jennifer keeps no record of wrong. There was no way that line was true. It was a blatant lie.

I'm blessed with an amazing memory. I can quote conversations verbatim and even tell you what the people were wearing, how they were sitting or standing, etc. And so I knew I was keeping a record of wrongs: especially against my sister and my mother. And so anytime they upset me I'd put another tally in the column of my mind of why I was justified in my anger toward them.

And so the journey began.

Over the last couple of months, whenever I was upset with someone, and I'd say to myself something like "they always do this" or it would bring up something from the past, I would remind myself that love keeps no record of wrong; and consequently, Jennifer was to keep no record of wrong. This new attitude helped bring healing and forgiveness in my life. Because if I no longer kept the tally I was able to much quicker forgive both past and present hurts.

Then a new thought hit me. Someone said to me simply, "Thank you! I really owe you one." I tried to brush it off and they said, "No I do. I owe you." It disquieted me. Why? Because I felt like if I was doing everything I did to be paid back I was doing it out of an impure motive. And so this thought hit me: Love keeps no record of rights.

If I were to keep a record of all the things I've done to help people, because I truly love helping people and giving of myself, then I would have a long list of things. And what would that do? Well it would puff me up with pride. I'd be able to boast of all the things I do to help people, and isn't Jennifer wonderful. But who'd be getting the glory? Me! So now the things that I'd done to honor God, or just to be kind, have now become a score board. That score board then would lead to unforgiveness in a new way: "Well I've done this and this and this for them and they've only done this for me..." It would make me desire things and become angry at God, thinking that God somehow owed me more than He's given already because of all the "things" I've done for Him.

And so this thought has plagued me... Love keeps no record of rights.

Our job is not to keep score and make sure the tally balances out on both sides. Our job is to love 100% even if the people around us are only capable of loving 50% in our eyes. See our scale isn't to be each other. Our scale is Jesus Christ. He loved with everything. And since He loved with everything, how dare we cheapen His sacrifice, by doing any less!

Love keeps no record.

Love Them Like Jesus

I've had some awesome opportunities the last few days to share my faith. I work in a community residence for mental illness. I work with the same set of people day in and day out 4 days a week, ten hours a day. Our residents are teenagers, and let me tell you, everyday has been the best and worst in my life.

I love my job. I love working with people, and seeing there growth. I love pouring into people and helping them to achieve their goals. I try my hardest to live my faith out in my job. Some days are easier than others. Everyone I work with knows that I'm working to become a children's pastor, that I attend and work in my church regularly.

For the most part I don't bring up matters of faith. When I'm asked my opinion or a question about my beliefs, I am very straight forward and don't hold back. I'm not wishy washy in my answer, I try my best to deliver the truth in love. Yesterday, a resident came to me and told me that his family had reverted back to Christianity and he was very concerned about something he had read. He read in Psalms how God detests gossipers. So he came and confessed that some other girls were gossiping. I took the opportunity to explain to him that he also had engaged in that behavior the week before and that as he read his Bible he needed to let it change him and not use it as a weapon against others. Moments later, he did that very thing. He began bashing other residents over the head with what he had read, and continued in his bad behavior. I was able to talk with him, and honestly I'm not sure what had sunk in, but this is what I'm excited about.

Today at work one of my coworkers and I were talking about this scene from yesterday. I told him what I had told the resident and he said, "I'm so glad you had that conversation with him. Because he'll be able to take it from you because we all know you're background, and you never beat any of us over the head with your Bible." He went on to explain some of the bad experiences he's had with church and church people. We talked for a few minutes and I explained that I was sorry he had gone through some of those things and also explained that unfortunately we often put man-made rules and traditions in places of authority that don't belong there. He then said, "It's like when someone told me I'm going to hell because of this or that. I don't need you to tell me that, I already know it." I stopped him and said, "Well if you ever want to talk about how you can change that let me know." He laughed and the conversation ended after that.

But that conversation helped me to see something important. One that even though I feel like I am an absolute mess, God is still in control. He is still using me in all of my imperfections to shine His light in my job. Why? Because I'm not bashing residents and coworkers over the head with the Bible. The Bible is the Sword of the Spirit. Which means it's a weapon of spiritual warfare not physical. Our Bible is to be a light to the lost, not a stick to beat them with. Like my coworker so aptly said, he knows he's going to hell. He doesn't need my judgments, he needs Christ's love. And the only way he's going to get that is through Christians willing to love like Jesus. Jesus never went around proclaiming people sinners or imposing man-made rules. Jesus fed the hungry, healed the sick, comforted, taught, loved.

Do I love like Jesus? Not even close, but do I try. Yes. Do I fail? Sometimes more than I think I succeed. But we always have the opportunity to humble ourselves and ask for forgiveness. So if you don't think you're witnessing enough. Ask yourself how do I love? Do I love like Jesus?

Live with Abandon

When I was 20 I made a list of goals. I made lifetime, ten year, and one year goals. Things that I wished to accomplish in my life and some steps I would need to take to accomplish these goals. Each year on or around my birthday I would evaluate these goals and see what I'd accomplished. This is the first year that I refused to do it.

There are a few reasons that I had chosen not to. The main one being I didn't want to look at all of the things that would not be accomplished by next year. Next year I turn 30 and that would be the end of the ten year goals. I didn't want to be depressed about all the things I've not done yet.

There's a song I often hear on the radio (I only listen to K-Love or Air1). It's called Live with Abandon by Newsboys. And I love that song because truly I want to live like the chorus states:
I wanna live with abandon
Give You all that I am
Every part of my heart Jesus
I place in Your hands
However the other day as I was driving my car to the garage to get it inspected, so that I could begin my busy day, I heard that song and part of the first verse struck me:
There's gotta be so much more to life than this
A higher calling that I missed
I realized immediately that I've been feeling as if I've missed something. That along the way some where I'd missed God's calling and that was it I was never going to get it back.

Almost 3 years ago I felt like God was speaking to my heart about how I was so wrapped up in what I thought I was supposed to do, that He couldn't move me. From there I began to evaluate my life and the things I was doing. They were all good things. But good things might not be God things if we're doing them on our own. So I went on a missions trip that summer, and it was amazing. I didn't want to come home. In fact, in the last area we ministered in were a missionary and his wife from Colombia. The wife asked me if I wanted to stay. I said, "Yes." She told me (through the interpretation of another woman who'd gone with us) that I could stay with them. That their church would take an offering for me and I could stay. I was flabbergasted. Could this be real? Could this really be what I was supposed to do? Needless to say, I did not stay. I came home and I felt like my path had been completely blown up. Everything that I thought I was supposed to be doing, everything I'd been working towards.

I felt as if I was wandering a desert with no real direction. Should I have stayed? Why didn't I? Was God calling me to the mission field? Is that His plan for me? My life was shaken and has honestly been in a state of disarray since then. I've been wandering. Wondering if I'd missed God's plan.

I've been working with the assistant pastor at my church and he's been brutally honest with me (which is good). He told me that he hasn't gotten a strong sense of who I am as a person in our meetings. Well seeing as I'd been wandering around not really knowing who I am or what I was supposed to be doing, I don't blame him.

Every Sunday one of the greeters at church hugs me and asks how I'm doing. For awhile he wasn't believing me (he could see through my church face). Because of that I've learned to be honest to the best of my ability. So when he asked me how I was doing on Sunday, I told him honestly that I was good, and then asked if he believed me. He said this, "It's not that I don't believe that you're doing good. It's just something." After further prompting he said, "Fulfilled. You're not fulfilled." This made perfect sense to me, since it was basically what the assistant pastor has been saying to me. And so I went into worship with a prayerful heart asking God to be my fulfillment.

And so as I was driving and I heard that song Live with Abandon and I had a revelation. I've been living as if I've missed my higher calling. But those first lines aren't speaking to me! Yes I want to live with abandon. Yes I want to give all I have to Jesus. But I haven't missed His plan for my life.

My life was shaken, but there are some definites that haven't changed. It's just taken me awhile to figure this out. God has called me to ministry; and no I'm not exactly sure what that is always going to look like, but right now it means I'm the Children's Ministry Director at my home church. When God called me to ministry I was expecting it too look a special way, but that's not the case. God doesn't live in a box and so I shouldn't put Him in one. If one day God decides that I'm to move me, then He can move me. My life is not my own. I surrendered that to Him a long time ago.

 So my goal for this year and the rest of my life is to serve God with everything right where I'm at. It's to do my best in the position I'm in, so that He gets the glory. I want to live with abandon!

The Quartet... Chapter 4

I've not felt like writing in so long, that it almost became habit not to. But as I sat down to write, the words just began to flow out of me. So I hope you like this next chapter.

Chapter 4

                Seara woke up with the sun Thanksgiving morning. She really wanted to go for a run, but was nervous about the encounter she’d had on her last run. Deciding she would wait until Brian Kingston left to start running again, Seara pulled out the notebook she had brought back from the tree house. Tria’s soft snores from the air mattress could be heard, but knowing she had a good hour before she needed to get up, Seara decided to take the time to read.

            Xander came flying through the woods a look of terror on his face, startling me with his approach. “What is it?” I asked.

            Xander bent over inhaling deeply trying to catch his breath. Finally, after what seemed like forever he looked at me with the most indescribable expression on his face. “I knew you hadn’t heard.”

“Hadn’t heard what?” I asked rather pointedly.

“The king. He’s coming here. He’s visiting the faithful Lords. Thanking them for their help. In the war. He’ll be here in a fortnight. We’re going to be terribly busy. We must return to the castle. Your mother was looking for you after your studies.”

I rolled my eyes and plopped on my rock. Of course it was wonderful for Lord and Lady Dennison that the king was coming, but why did that mean I needed to interrupt my plans. Of course the castle would be in an uproar for the next two weeks: cleaning and baking and the like.

“Well don’t just sit there. Say something. This is wonderful.”

Xander dreamed of becoming a knight. As most boys his age did. Although Xander’s family was freemen they could not afford the equipment it would take to allow Xander to begin Knight training. Xander’s only hope was that Lord Dennison would think him a worthy candidate, seeing as he had no male offspring of his own. Xander’s family had lived here for four generations and had served the family faithfully.

“Annabeth. I’ve never heard you speechless.”

Xander was now pulling on my arm. All I could pray, and it was a very selfish prayer at that, was that neither the king nor Lord Dennison would ever see what a wonderful Knight Xander would make because I dreaded losing my dear friend.

“I’m in shock is all.” I said, hoping my true feelings were well hidden. “We’re not going to have much time to come here in the coming days. We’ll both be plenty busy I suppose.”

The smile on Xander’s face was of genuine pleasure. We headed back to the castle walls. Xander did most of the talking. He hardly noticed that I was nearly silent, he was so elated.

Upon entering the kitchen I expected mother to put me instantly to work. Instead she had me sit at the table and quizzed me on my lessons. She asked me to recite the verses to her that I’d learned, soaking my hands in the salt bath. Mother was distant, not really hearing what I had to say. When I would look at her I would find her staring in a most unusual way. When I was through she sent me to tidy our chambers.

That night after I’d retired, I heard my parents talking. It was most disconcerting. My mother seemed nervous and almost reluctant about the king’s arrival. I could not make out their words so much as their tone. My father was reassuring and kind as was his nature, but even I could make out the hesitation in his voice.

The next day I was summoned by Lady Dennison. This was not unusual for her, although I’d heard rumors from servants of guests that often came for banquets that it was was unusual for a Lady to convene with servants. But from what I’d heard of other servants, nearly everything Lord and Lady Dennison did was unusual.

My eyes downcast, I entered the suite and waited for Lady Dennison to acknowledge me. Lady Dennison acknowledged me almost immediately. “Come in.” I did. “Many changes will be coming in the next couple of weeks. The king was most pleased with my husband’s service to him and is coming with a very special announcement. Annabeth I-“ Lady Dennison stopped, almost unsure of what to say next. I chanced a look up tears were forming in her eyes. Of their own volition my feet moved forward and my hand was upon her shoulder. Lady Dennison reached up and grasped my hand squeezing gently. “I have no children, but have enjoyed watching you grow up here. I hope you don’t mind, I spoke with your parents and thought I might have a gown ordered for you for when the king comes.”

That this was an honor was not lost on me. The Lady had always been generous and I had benefited from that greatly over the years. But was I to do with a gown. I was so lost in thought that it took me a moment to realize that Lady Dennison had stopped speaking and was staring at me.

“I’m sorry my Lady.”

“That is alright Annabeth. I will need you tomorrow so that the seamstress can take your measurements. That will be all for today.”

I was grateful to be dismissed. More than anything I wished to go see Xander and discuss the Lady’s strange request. Maybe he’d be able to help me make sense of it.

Seara’s alarm went off startling her from her reading. Tria awoke with an unintelligible grunt and Seara quickly shut off the alarm, hoping Tria would go back to sleep. She did. Seara slipped from the room and into the shower while the rest of the family continued to sleep.

            Thanksgiving dinner went off without a hitch. Seara was the perfect hostess. Everyone complimented her on the delicious meal that was prepared. The fried turkey was perfect. The afternoon had turned unseasonably warm and so it was a delight to cook outside. 

            The men retired in front of the television watching the football game as the ladies chatted in the dining room. Seara knew she would be unable to wash the dishes without a thousand objections and so decided to go outside for a while. She was in shock that the quartet was back together. They hadn’t been all together since the end of June. And though time held no meaning, melting away when they were together Seara could feel the distinct pull of life on them.

            Talli came up behind Seara and looped her arm through hers. Seara sighed and smiled.  “Brian told me about your dad. He also told me the rest of the family doesn’t know yet. How are you doing?”

            Instantly Seara felt tears sting the back of her eyes. She had fought her way through the day, stuffing emotions and just trying to be there for her family. Her smile was sometimes forced and other times genuine, she had hoped against hope that no one could tell the difference. But she should’ve realized that The Quartet knew her like no one else did. Seara felt her arm squeezed. Wiping at a stray tear Seara smiled away the pain.

            “You know you can’t lie to me right?” Talli chuckled, “I know you too well for that. When will you let Mickey Mouse and Lyss know.”

            Seara howled at that, only Talli would continue to call her brother Mickey Mouse.  Seara took a deep breath and said, “Tomorrow night at dinner I think. I was hoping to do it today, but-“ Seara shrugged, “It’s probably better that we didn’t. I’m glad everyone’s here, but I’m drained. I can’t keep this up much longer. I just want them to know. Lyss was already looking at me like she knows something’s up. Thankfully with all the people here I’ve been able to avoid the questions. I can’t wait for tomorrow to be over.”

            “Anxious about all the Black Friday sales?” Brian asked coming up behind the girls.

            Both girls jumped. Talli laughed as she one-arm hugged her brother. “Game over?” Talli asked.

            “Nah, it’s halftime. And I was tired of sitting.”

            Talli laughed. Seara wished that Talli had let go of her arm so she could’ve left, but she had a feeling that she purposely held her captive. She tried looking everywhere else, but being so close to Brian he kind of filled her field of vision. His shoulders were strong and broad, although his stomach was lean. His face was full and his jaw only slightly square. He hovered a good six inches over his sister. As if he could feel Seara taking inventory of him, he smiled down at her.

            “How are you?” He asked softly.

            Seara smiled hiding behind it, unaware that the two standing next to her could see through it. “I’m fine.”

            Brian laughed a big hearty laugh. The girls looked at each other in confusion. “Really you’re fine. You do remember what that means don’t you?”

            Seara rose her brows quizzically.

            “Think about it. Your favorite actor… Mark Wahlberg. We went to see the movie I think after we graduated, just before I went into the service… The Italian Job.”

            “Wow. I can’t believe you remember that. It’s still one of my favorite movies.” Seara said.

            “Mine too.” Brian said softly.

            Talli still lost said, “I’m not sure what that has to do with anything.”
            Seara said, “In the movie they say that fine means, freaked out, insecure, neurotic, and emotional.” Looking at Brian she said, “Well I guess that’s about right then.”

            Unable to know what to say to comfort her Brian reached out to give her a half hug. The three of them stood there in a group hug for a couple of minutes when Seara heard Mikey calling for Brian because the game was starting. Seara pulled away from both of them and began walking toward the tree line. She needed to pull herself together. She needed to be strong. They would make it through this. Seara heard the footsteps behind her and figured Talli was coming back. More than anything she just wanted to climb in bed and hibernate there for the rest of the night. But she knew that would be rude to her guests. Turning around she ran right into Brian’s chest.

            “I ,,, I … I thought you were Talli. I need to get back inside. I’ve got to get things cleaned up. And I’m sure people are ready for dessert. I’ve been out here too long I’m sure they think I’m the rudest person in the world.”

            “Shh… Sea, it’s okay to take care of yourself once in a while.” Brian said, rubbing the sides of her arms.

Seara relaxed into his hold for a moment allowing her forehead to rest on his chest. It felt so right to have Brian comfort her. His hand gently touched her cheek and she was brought back to reality. She jumped away as if his touch had burned her. She nearly stumbled in her attempts to get out of reach.

Not pausing this time she mumbled about needing to be inside and getting things done and hurried back toward the house. Brian felt the ache like a slap across his face. God give me wisdom. Show me how I can be her friend. Lord, please she doesn’t even see that she’s running. And I’m pretty sure she’s not just running from me.

Dear Friend of Job

Do you have one of those friends who just gets you? I do. We laugh and joke and have more in common than I think even we know. Like we just found out the other day we even have the same A+ blood type, which is kind of weird in a good way. Especially when she explained it the same way I do. Wow, you'd think we had grown up together, but the amazing thing is we didn't. God brought her into my life a few years ago.

Let me say this, I love ALL of the wonderful friends God has put into my life, but there's something that's sometimes difficult with all of my wonderful friends (they're older - like I'm closer to their kid's ages than I am to there's with the exception of one we're only 10 years apart). Now these women are wonderful and I am truly grateful for them, but honestly sometimes we just don't have the same things in common. And so when you're looking for someone to relate to what you're going through it's hard to be sympathetic when you're in two different seasons in life. And so I did what I always do when I'm distressed: I took it to God in prayer. Now sometimes my prayers are more like whining and I can honestly say that it was mostly whining. I prayed, "God please I need a friend." I needed someone who would understand what I was going through, had been through, and wouldn't settle for my whining.

And then God brought her into my life. Let's just say, I wasn't so happy about it at first. She came in (in my mind) knowing everything, comparing everything to how it was done somewhere else, and was built up by the people around me as the epitome of wonderful, and so I went from being wonderful to forgotten. I didn't like that so much. So I did what anyone would do, I complained, I got frustrated, and then I remembered a famous cliche "keep your friends close, but your enemies closer." Now she was in no way the "enemy," far from it. But if I could learn from Mrs. Wonderful than that would be good because then maybe I could get some of my spotlight back (I know totally selfish, immature, and vain.) So the first day we hang out we're both doing the uncomfortable dance around topics until finally she says to me, "I have ulterior motives for having you over." I breathed a sigh of relief and admitted that I also had ulterior motives. We laughed about our awkwardness and began our new friendship. It was that simple. Since that time we've shared our hearts with one another and become great friends: sharing laughs, tears, wisdom, and so much more. I am truly grateful for the answer to prayer that God has given me.

I say all that to say my friend is very sick. She doesn't want pity, and even walking through this personal hell she has been a source of strength, wisdom, and grace. I can't say many people in her situation would handle it with as much care as she has. I went with her the other day to a doctor's appointment for her youngest daughter and on the way home we began discussing Job. She asked how long Job was like that and I said, by the sounds of it, it was a long time. As she began sharing her heart with me, I looked at her and said, "You don't have Job's friends."

A couple days later, I spent an hour and a half reading the first 17 chapters of the book of Job. At first I was reading to see if there was any indication of a time period. And as I thought, there was not. And so as it came time to read what Job's "friends" had to say, I started to skim it because they're absolutely ridiculous. And then God reminded me of what I've been teaching the kids on Wednesday nights: the Bible is God's word, God-inspired, and God-breathed. The whole Bible. As I read what Job's friends had to say I realized that what they were saying was true: God is the judge, only he knows the hearts of man, God will bring correction. The problem with what Job's friends were saying was their application to Job's life. They felt that Job must have angered God by sinning to cause this to befall him. But that wasn't the case.

As I read this a thought struck me, how many times in trying to help someone do we cause more distress by our good intentioned wrong advice? We don't have all the answers and sometimes our finite minds won't understand the will of God, but there are definite things that will always help: prayer, a smile, and being a blessing.

If God gives you a word for someone, test it. Read your Bible, take it back to God in prayer, if it continues to stir your heart and you have found Biblical evidence for your word, then take it to the person. But take it in love. In the Spirit of meekness.

God often will not reveal the why of a situation. Because that's not the answer He's looking to give. The why is insignificant. Job's friend's answered the why of his sickness and misfortune completely wrong. The Bible says the rain falls on the just and the unjust. We live in a sin-infested, fallen, dark world. And that's why bad things happen. But God says, "That ALL things work together for good to them that love Him and are called according to His purpose." And I have no doubt in my mind that my dear friend loves Jesus more than anything in the world.

And so dear friend the question to be asked is not why, but how. How can I serve Job? How can I love Job? How can I bless Job and his family? How can I minister to Job? How can I lift Job's spirits? How?

By answering this question you will fulfill the will of God for your life. The Bible states that the greatest commandment is to love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength. And the second is like it, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as yourself. So love the Job in your life. Be a true friend to Job. Let them see your love displayed in your acts of kindness and generosity. Be a blessing to Job!

One Month to Live ~ Day 4

I love how kids minds work. I went to preschool yesterday to help my dear friend Mrs Hidde. It's the last week of preschool and there's so much to do. I'm borrowing a friend's car for the week and it's a standard As I was putting some things together I looked across the room and said, "I miss driving stick.".
Mrs Hidde said, "Michael drives a stick."
I replied in the affirmative, and then watched as a little boy looked around confused. I heard him say to himself, "She drove a stick." As he spread his hands out as if holding a stick. Then looked up at me and said, "Miss Jenn, why did you drive a stick here?"
I couldn't contain my laughter. We tried to explain that it was a type of car, but could easily see that he couldn't understand what we were talking about. If the child had been one of the teens I work with I probably would've come up with a retort like, it's all that's left of my broom. :) But seeing as it was a preschooler, I knew I needed to NOT go there.

It was definitely an interesting day. Pretty typical work day. I work full-time at a community residence for teens with a mental health diagnosis. When I first started working there I prayed almost non-stop. I prayed for wisdom, for protection, for courage, for everything. I prayed that I would truly be a light and that God would open doors for me to talk to the kids about Him. And did He ever. I don't know how it happened, but somewhere along the line, I've slacked off.

The people I work with believe there are "ghosts" in the residence. So whenever I hear their tales, I begin to pray, because I am not going to deal with that! The Bible says, "Greater is He that is in us, than he that is in the world." Well let me tell you, I pray that whatever evil things these kids have encountered will leave and not torment them.

When I first started working there two years ago, there was a girl that was seeing a spirit. He would talk with her and give her messages. I walked into her room to see her reaching out to hug the air. I began praying. Over the course of the next few weeks, I prayed every time I was at work. About three weeks later, the girl came to me and said, "He told me today he had to leave and isn't allowed to come back." I held my breath waiting for the fall out that was sure to come, I was waiting for her to scream it was all my fault, but God's protection is amazing and I forget that sometimes. The fall out never came, and that particular spirit never came back! Thank you Jesus!

I say all of that to say, that I've slacked off. Last night my two co-workers came to me and said, "Jenn there's ghosts in the house and they were talking to me, going 'Miss. Miss.'" I laughed at them out loud, and then inwardly began to pray. The one was using his cellphone as a ghost tracker, who knew you could get a ghost tracker on your smart phone, but I wouldn't recommend it. So they gave me the cell phone and told me to take a look around the house. It was set up like a radar indicator, blue meant good spirits and red bad. I walked around the entire house praying again asking for God's protection, and that any evil spirits would leave. Nothing appeared on the "radar" and I said as much. The guy said, "Must be they don't like you."

Well I don't know if it's me so much as the God that lives in me. I say this to say, pray. The spiritual realm is real. We are in a spiritual battle and it's so easy to forget that. Remember, "the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but are mighty through God to the pulling down of strongholds" (2 Corinthians 10:4). Prayer is where our power comes from. We need to realize that we need to stay connected to God. It is so important to be memorizing the Word, because sometimes there's not time to dig through your Bible to find the right answer. But if you're hiding God's Word in your heart He's able to bring it back to remembrance. He's able to show you how to pray and what to say.

So take some extra time with God today. Pray.

Some quotes from Chapter 4:
"A desperation to change is not enough. In order to sustain changes, we have to be connected to a power source beyond ourselves-a power that never wavers, flickers, or leaves us in the dark. We have to move from willpower to the real power that comes from a connection to our Creator."

"Communication and confession will keep us connected to the ultimate power source, the Vine."